Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger will be the first major Hollywood actor to star in a Bollywood movie. Come on, you know Bollywood. Indian movies? The ones with all the awful singing and dancing substituted for physical contact. The Times Online says Sly and Arnie will co-star in an Indian financed movie called Incredible Love, about an Indian stuntman who makes it big in Hollywood but can’t find true love. Because that of course, is all stuntmen are really after.

This should be a big deal, a sign that Bollywood has finally arrived as a major player on the world entertainment stage. It would be, except they’re cheating. The movie may be backed by Indian financiers, but they’re shooting it in Hollywood at Universal Studios. This isn’t a Bollywood movie, it’s a Hollywood movie. Sly and Arnie won’t even have to go further than their back yard to be in it.

However, since it’s being shot in America maybe this means they’ll be able to dispense with all the dancing India’s strict cultural taboos force on them in place of physical contact. I know I’d rather have kissing. I know we’re all supposed to be impressed with dance, but sometimes desire is better expressed with lips on lips, or even better, a little nude massaging. Hubba hubba. Besides, I imagine Arnie dancing looks a lot like Herman Munster attempting the jitterbug.