There aren’t many things in this world I’d like to see Brett Ratner put in charge of, but the Oscars is one of them. Or it would be if I actually thought they’d let him imbue it with his Ratner essence. That essence is a lot like scent du Michael Bay, except with slight smaller explosions and women with less bouncy bosoms. Have you seen the Oscars lately? They could sure use some of that kind of excitement.

Sadly, even though Brett Ratner is in charge of next year’s Academy Awards telecast, you probably won’t see a lot of stuff blowing up behind Jackie Chan while he hands out the award for Best Picture with Chris Tucker. They’re sure to make him keep it dignified, or something. Still it’s worth noting that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced today that the Rush Hour helmer will produce the 84th Annual Academy Awards telecast with Don Mischer.

The thing about the Oscars is that though they often bring all sorts of different talented, or in some cases untalented people, to run them; the broadcast tends to stay uniformly boring. The Academy isn’t really interested in shaking things up, they’re still getting pretty great ratings, for all the misery the millions tuning in are put through nearly every single year.

In the press release announcing Ratner’s involvement Academy President Tom Sherak said of Brett, “He’s unbelievably creative and knows how to take risks that are both interesting and inspiring.” None of that’s true, but even if it were, it’s unlikely that had anything to do with why they hired him.

What you’re going to get from Brett Ratner is the X-Men: The Last Stand of Oscar telecasts, which is to say pretty much the same as every year, though hopefully with someone more interested in what’s happening than James Franco to host it. I’m rooting for four hours of squeaky-voiced Chris Tucker.

Insert this is as close as Brett Ratner will ever get to an Oscar joke here.