CB's NOT Bummer Summer: Our 9 Favorite Movie Swimsuits Of All-Time

By Mack Rawden 2011-06-05 22:42:10discussion comments
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CB's NOT Bummer Summer: Our 9 Favorite Movie Swimsuits Of All-Time image
Iíve had the same pair of swimming trunks for five years. During that time, no one has ever made a single comment about them. If someone did, I would probably say, ďYeah, blue is a pretty sweet color.Ē This is because Iím a man, and there are really only two types of swimsuits made for dudes. There are those stupid European underwear things and faux-shorts that look exactly like the ones I have. Iím not spending thirty dollars to replace something I already have in perfectly working order. Blue is a sweet color. I see no possible improvement. Iíve had five NOT bummer summers with them, and I look forward to having at least another five. Unless that stupid drawstring gets sucked into the hole and I canít retrieve it, then Iíll have to waste another thirty dollars.

The thought of a woman keeping the same swimsuit for ten years is hilarious. There are easily hundreds, maybe thousands, of different swimsuit types made for women. I canít tell the difference on the shelf. To me, theyíre just divided up between one pieces, two pieces and those weird combo ones with the line of material down the front, but I know this is incorrect because a) my girlfriend tells me theyíre all different and b) they actually alter how attractive girls look. I could try on thirty different swimsuits and people would still say, ďThat guy in the beard should lose fifteen pounds.Ē Itís not the same with women. Sometimes the difference between having the right swimsuit and one that doesnít work can be the key to having a NOT bummer summer.

I suspect thatís why everyone likes talking about womenís swimsuits so much. Men ogle them, women fret over buying them, even gay dudes like making comments about them. Like heat exhaustion and increased Beach Boys airplay, bikinis and bikini-related discussion are imperative facets of summer. Itís just as true in Hollywood as anywhere else. Careers have been made and lost over swimsuits. Every year, the best and worst are dissected in tabloids, on television and amongst fans. Swimsuits are the key to having a NOT bummer summer. So, in honor of Judy Moody, hereís Cinema Blendís nine greatest perfect ten swimsuits ever captured on filmÖ

Best swimsuits
Phoebe Cates in Fast Times At Ridgemont High
This simple red bikini turned Phoebe Cates into a household name and literally screwed up thousands of rental store VHS copies. So many patrons paused and/ or slow motioned her infamous scene that the tape stretched out, unintentionally extending all its glory. I canít say as I blame them. With a clasp in the front for ease of opening, Catesí summer attire has turned into the third most famous red suit of all time behind Farrah and Pamela.

top movie bikinis
Ursula Andress in Dr. No
Dr. No may have eventually lost its greatest early Bond film status to Goldfinger, but Ursula Andress still remains the ideal all of Jamesí women are judged against. With wet hair and an intense look on her face, she emerged from the water in a tan two piece and walked onto the beach a legend. Itís all about the belt. She might look smoking hot, but sheís still there to do a job. She needs to collect those seashells. Itís imperative. That practicality sets her apart, and itís probably why some genius over at Wikipedia saw fit to include the above photograph under the subheading ďPlotĒ. I like where your head is, sir.

famous bikini
Wendy Peffercorn in The Sandlot
Was she eighteen when this picture was taken? What are the rules on lusting after an underage woman when you were underage when you first saw her? Can you still appreciate it in retrospect? I say yes, and I know Michael ďSquintsĒ Palledorous would agree with me. Listen: there are a lot of other, hotter pictures of women in swimsuits out there. Some of them feature girls more attractive than Wendy Peffercorn, but it doesnít matter. Any man who was a kid when he first saw The Sandlot knows it doesnít get any better than this vixen. Squints was banned from the pool for life after he pretended to drown to put the moves on this lifeguard. Absolutely, 100% worth it. NOT a bummer.

bo derek's swimsuit
Bo Derek in 10
I wasnít born when 10 came out. By the time I was competent and sexually aware enough to appreciate swimsuits, the film was no longer being casually discussed, but between the ages of 10 and 15, I distinctly remember hearing at least ten old men reference Bo Derekís swimsuit. This was before the days of Google Image Search; so, my friends and I went out and rented it. Holy mother of God. I donít even like corn rows, and I was ready to propose after seeing her scamper along the beach in that two piece. Now thatís a swimsuit people.

Star Wars gold bikni
Princess Leia in Return Of The Jedi
Carrie Fisherís outlandish bikini might not be the most functional two piece on this list, but itís definitely the most talked about garment of clothing in the history of nerds. That Jabba the Hutt might not take care of himself very well, but he certainly knows what visiting members of his court might want to see. What the hell is this bikini even made out of? It looks like died garden snakes, scrap metal and red cloth. Iím surprised Mugatu didnít put it in his fashion show. All of the swimsuits mentioned so far could actually be worn by real women to the beach. Not this one. Itís like an Easter bunny suit. It only comes out for special occasions (conventions) and home movies (soon to be in 3D).

demi moore's two-piece
Demi Moore In Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
I might be in the minority, but I actually think Demiís swimsuit scene in Charlieís Angels gets less impressive as the years go on. Donít get me wrong. She looks stunning in her black bikini, but the big fuss at the time was, ďOh my God! Sheís forty and looks like that.Ē Well, now sheís forty-eight and looks exactly the same. Sheís like Helen Mirren. Everyone freaked out because she was so hot at fifty. Fifteen years later, sheís still sexier than chicks 1/3 her age. Itíll be the same thing with Demi Moore. I hope they make Charlieís Angels 3 in two years and put her in the same black bikini. Maybe the idea of watching her in a swimsuit for ten years isnít really hysterical.

celebrity swimsuits on film
Stella in How Stella Got Her Groove Back
You know what a byproduct of getting that groove back was? More bikinis. No woman in the history of the world has ever lost her groove and then strutted in a new swimsuit. That is a groove-required activity. So, every time you watch that movie and see Stella in a bikini, know sheís full of groove at that juncture. Like the above picture where sheís being held by that ripped dude, definitely has her groove. Men love bikinis. Bikinis require groove. Therefore, men like the groove. Socrates would be proud of that deductive reasoning. I bet he loved swimsuits.

one-piece swimsuit
Lolita in Lolita
Unlike Wendy Peffercorn who may or may not be underage, Lolita is overtly underage. In the book sheís twelve and a half, but Kubrick raised her age to fourteen and cast Sue Lyon who could have passed for seventeen. With an outlandish hat and a gentle flick of the glasses, she, along with her red bikini, wooed Humber Humbert and sent Hollywoodís censorship arm into a frenzied, hands-on stomping out of faux-erotic material. Itís content may be tame by todayís standards, but itís basic subject matter certainly is not. The director later said he probably never would have made the film in retrospect, but Lolitaís bikini still remains an iconic reminder that some women really are off limits.

hot jessica simpson bikini
Jessica Simpson in The Dukes Of Hazzard
For a long time, Jessica Simpson was third on the list of late 90s hot female pop stars. Britney Spears was the queen. Christina Aguilera was second in command, and Jessica Simpson was just sorta hanging out. Then Britney typhooned into bloated debauchery, Christina got a little too slutty for some peopleís taste, and out of nowhere, Jessica Simpson suddenly became an acceptable option for the hottest celebrity. Curvy, ditzy and smiley, it all came together as she strutted in that pink two piece. Almost made the rest of the movie worth itÖ

Thought of a bodacious movie swimsuit we missed? Add it to the list using the comments section below.
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