DVD Diggers - 9/12/04

By Rafe Telsch: 2004-09-12 00:00:00

Welcome back to this week’s episode of DVD Diggers, where we’re replacing the CinemaBlend staff with CGI monkeys!

An even longer time ago...

Next week the big release will be the Star Wars Trilogy. Maybe it’s just a denial stage, but even as confirmations come in about the changes in the trilogy, I’m not believing it. I honestly can’t believe George Lucas would change the classic Star Wars movies... again. I mean, isn’t once enough? Aren’t there enough people out there who are angry about Greedo shooting first, or the destruction of an icon by adding a shockwave to the Death Star’s explosion?

Sic Semper Tyrannus

For those who feel a need to get angry at Lucas a little earlier, check out this week’s release of THX-1138. A less exposed film, THX-1138 was Lucas’s film school project that he remade after graduating. Not content to screw up his most famous films, Lucas returns to his obscure flicks as well, offering this director’s cut with (surprise!) CGI improved special effects. The announcement of this and it’s subsequent release honestly has me thinking Lucas lives in a bunker somewhere, completely out of touch with the outside world. If people were angry about the “Special Editions” of Star Wars, and only the Lucas purists have seen THX, how does the think those purists will respond? The answer: he doesn’t. Between revamps, special editions, and sequels, Lucas is building on story ideas he had over twenty years ago. Obviously he hasn’t had an original thought since the public panned Radioland Murders. Short on ideas, he rapes and pillages the movies of the past without any regard for the ire he’s drawing from his faithful public. By the time Howard the Duck: Special Edition comes around, maybe the fans will be organized enough to stop the cash flow that’s supporting George’s habit. It’s the closest to an intervention we’ll be allowed, I’m afraid.

Bad Boys

What ya gonna do?

Fortunately Wil Smith and Martin Lawrence have stayed away from making movies together, but that hasn’t kept all the bad boys away. This week sees the release of two “Bad Boy” movies.

First we get George C. Scott. I know, you think of Scott more as a Grumpy Old Man then a Bad Boy, but in Hardcore he’s definitely on the Bad Boy side as he infiltrates the dark underworld of pornography to try and find his missing daughter. If that’s not Bad enough for you, check out Baadasssss! where Mario Van Peebles plays his own father in a part documentary, part drama of Melvin Van Peebles’ early career. Hmmm.. shouldn’t there be a better name for that? I mean we have “mockumentary” for the Christopher Guest movies. How about “dracumentary” - or does that sound too Transylvanian? “dramaentary”? “documa”? Hmmm... I’ll keep working on it. In the meantime, I challenge you to find the link between these two films.

TeeVee Time

Well, it seems it’s going to be a weekly part of this column to talk about what television shows are coming to DVD. Really with the aggravation of watching unworthy shows released week after week you’d think I’d finally turn a blind eye to television series releases. Unfortunately that’s not really an option. First of all, my anger and frustration is apparently funny to some. Secondly, there are some good shows out there too. I’d hate to turn a blind eye to them as well. So, looks like television will continue to be a part of DVD Diggers, just as the shows continue to be a part of my collection. I only hope those who find humor in my anger tip well - my heart surgery won’t be cheap.

This week sees the first season releases of two television greats: “Diff’rent Strokes” and “Everybody Loves Raymond”. I don’t know which show was better - the poor black kids who get adopted by a rich white guy and spout “What’chu talkin’ ‘bout?” or the sports enthusiast with the creepy parents who hold that show’s catchphrase, “holy crap!”. Actually, I’d like to see Arnold and Willis adopted by Ray’s parents. That’d make one heck of a show, especially set in modern day. Tune in as Frank and Marie attend Willis’s bail hearing, while Arnold fires a dozen people in his search for the perfect latte. “Wat’chu talkin’ ‘bout Ray?” Of course, none of those problems would ever happen in “7th Heaven” which also sees it’s first season release on DVD. Actually, the problems may exist there, just nobody actually watches the show, just like nobody will buy the DVD.

Eye of the tiger baby

Last week I reviewed “The Apprentice” and it got me ready for the only thing better - “Survivor”. Sure, the new season of “Survivor” starts this week with new survivors in Vanuatu, but I’d much rather have the previous season: “Survivor: All Stars” on DVD. All Stars had the first (and second) case of players removing themselves from the game, a game so tough that only the best of the best could play. It was great to see familiar faces from previous seasons of “Survivor” go head to head, and I’m dreading having to learn new players now. Bring back Rudy, Lex, Rupert, and Boston Rob!

Finally, “Law & Order” sees the release of its fourteenth season on DVD. Fourteen? Jeez, how long has this show been on? Better question: when was the last time somebody cared about L&O enough to pick up fourteen seasons on DVD? Do you watch anything else if you own those, or do you just load up a DVD jukebox and watch hours and hours of Jerry Orbach. If so, do you add in Dirty Dancing just so you can see Orbach put in his place when he’s told “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.”?

Kiddee Time

Earlier this year Disney released their final standard animation film Home on the Range, which comes out this week. As Disney flicks go, it’s not fantastic - it’s not Aladdin or The Lion King. Instead it’s more on the caliber of Oliver and Company. It’s a cute picture that kids will probably like, and real Disney fans will enjoy as well. However it is perfect evidence of the degradation of the Disney animation machine and the last few years of Michael Eisner’s reign, a reign that thankfully will be ending earlier then anticipated. Just this week Eisner announced his upcoming retirement in 2006, so just maybe this won’t be the last traditionally animated film for Disney. While I agree that computer animation can be cool, there needs to be a solid story first, something Disney seems to have lost sight of. Home on the Range does have an adequate story so it survives, despite having the odd cast of Roseanne and Judi Dench, and has a real classic Disney film feel. At the very least, it’s worth a rental.

Have a Holly Jolly September

The Passion of the Christ’s release a few weeks ago unofficially marked the start of the Christmas season apparently. I mentioned other films trying to cash in on The Passion’s success, but I tastefully left out the Christmas movies that were coming out. This week continues that with a set I’ve got to own: “The Ultimate DVD Christmas Pack (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer / Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town / Frosty the Snowman / Frosty Returns / The Little Drummer Boy)”. I know it’s the middle of September, and that Christmas is months away, but with those classics in this set I’ve got to buy it. Those movies were Christmas to me growing up, and hey - who can’t use Christmas a few months early. Ah, who am I kidding - those movies will sit on my shelf until December 26th, at which point I’ll remember I have them and pack them away with the Christmas decorations, confident I’ll remember I have them next year. That seems to be what happens to all my Christmas music CDs.

The unsuccessful sequel Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed litters the DVD racks this week. Weaker then the first film, which I wasn’t a big fan of to begin with, Scooby Doo 2 takes everything that was successful for the franchise, and puts it to the side (according to Cinema Blend’s own Josh Tyler). The truth is, this film is one of those that’s impervious to critics. If you like Scooby-Doo, then you’re going to give it a looksee. If you don’t, then you’ll have a couple more hours then the people who pick this one up, and most likely will have a happier day. Enjoy that time - smell some flowers, cook some dinner, or anxiously count down the hours until Star Wars comes out. That’s what I’ll be doing.