We have our Iron Man, we have our Nick Fury, we have our Hulk, and we have our Thor. What we don't have is our Captain America. It has now been more than a month since director Joe Johnston told us that we would be getting our Cap casting soon, but here we are four weeks later and Jim from The Office is the best we've got. But for those getting impatient, I have a scary thought to present to you: the long wait may truly be in our best interest. Why? Because without patience, Dane Cook or a Jonas brother could get the role. Commence screaming.

Cook's interest in the role was discovered on his Twitter account, where he recently posted:

Im minus 7% body fat now, bones replaced w/lightweight scandium alloy! Had 2 get shredded 4 Captain America audition & standup tour.

Followed by this post four hours later:

@Marvel_Freshman r u really auditioning 4 Captain America? Dc: I did already. They might b goin young. I say go RDJr route-gimme the part!

Cook, I have watched Robert Downey Jr. movies, I have watched Robert Downey Jr. interviews, Robert Downey Jr. is a true actor. You're no Robert Downey Jr.

As for the brothers Jonas, the news comes from gossip website (Read: unreliable source) Hollywire, which has reported that both Joe and Kevin Jonas have read for the lead role in the film. While I can laugh at the Cook news as nobody in their right mind would hire that obnoxious fool to lead a superhero movie, Disney's ownership of Marvel and Marvel Studios puts the Jonas news in a entirely new, and scarier, department. As Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock would say, "You can't fight synergy...it's bigger than all of us." While I pray Disney doesn't have the balls necessary to alienate an entire legion of comic book fans by putting one of the two siblings in the lead role, the source also states that they are in contention for "other characters in the film." I just have one thing to say to that: keep those purity rings wearing bastards away from Bucky.