The Emmerich Scale: Your Guide To The Coming Hollywood Apocalypse

By Katey Rich and Kristy Puchko 2013-04-19 07:44:54discussion comments
The Host
This recent release might have looked like another standard Stephenie Meyer love triangle, but it was secretly a pretty dark vision of the future, in which aliens have taken over the bodies of nearly very human, and have transformed the landscape into generic grocery stores where everything is free, or gleaming office buildings that are so perfect they must be… alien. The planet is still relatively intact (and probably in better hands with these peaceful aliens than with warring humans), but humanity is gone to the point that this easily merits a 4 on the scale.


Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Rise of the Planet of the Apes had one of the ballsiest endings in recent memory, in which nearly all of humanity was completely wiped out… but in the closing credits. As an afterthought! Given that a handful of humans have been cast we know that not everyone has been wiped out, but of course, given what Charlton Heston finds at the end of Planet of the Apes… well, signs aren't good for humanity.


The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Humans are hanging on to the planet in this sequel, but they're not doing a very good job of it, forcing kids to fight each other to the death and allowing Donald Sutherland, in spectacular creepy mode, to rule them all. Fans of the books also know that they've essentially given up the entire East Coast to a nuclear explosion way back in the day; Roland Emmerich would appreciate that destruction of New York and Washington D.C., though, which earns them a high 3 on the scale.


This Is The End
Everyone behind This Is The End is being very cagey about what kind of destruction we're in for, but everything we've seen-- celebrities sucked into holes in the earth, the Hollywood Hills on fire-- suggests something serious. At the same time, this is a comedy, and while some of the big names at the center of the film may die off, we're not expecting a total extinction level event. After all, what's funnier-- a bunch of actors freaking out over the actual apocalypse, or freaking out over something that's not that bad after all?

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