The 63rd annual batch of Golden Globes nominees was released this morning, and as you might expect Brokeback Mountain leads the pack with seven nominations. They’re still sticking with that whole separation between comedy and drama that doesn’t make sense, so sorting out who’s nominated for what remains rather confusing and complicated. Also as usual, the only films nominated in the comedy category are art flicks. No 40 Year-Old Virgin in sight.

Here’s the full list of this year’s Golden Globes nominees, with my usual useless commentary and Golden Globes prediction. If it gets too boring, just stop a minute and pretend the Golden Globes is an awards ceremony for perfectly tanned breasts.

BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Brokeback Mountain
The Constant Gardener
Good Night, and Good Luck
A History of Violence
Match Point
Not a single big-earning flick among them. I’m a little surprised Spielberg’s Munich isn’t here. At least they avoided Syriana.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

Maria Bello, A History of Violence
Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Gwyneth Paltrow, Proof
Charlize Theron, North Country
Ziyi Zhang, Memoirs of a Geisha
Why is History of Violence suddenly getting so much attention? It wasn’t even that well reviewed. Audiences hated it. I guess foreign critics didn’t.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Russell Crowe, Cinderella Man
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Terrence Howard, Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain
David Strathairn, Good Night, and Good Luck
I’m glad they could look past the phone throwing to give Russell a deserved nomination. I’m also glad Terrence Howard wasn’t nominated for Get Rich or Die Tryin’. Now how about a little love for his work in Crash?

BEST MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Mrs. Henderson Presents
Pride & Prejudice
The Producers
The Squid and the Whale
Walk the Line
Here’s where things get confusing, with this separate category for musicals or comedies… of which few of these movies are either. Yes, Walk the Line has music in it, but that doesn’t make it a musical. It should be nominated for Best Picture – Drama. And is Pride & Prejudice all that funny? Jane Austen is a lot of things, but raucusly funny isn’t one of them.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents
Keira Knightley, Pride & Prejudice
Laura Linney, The Squid and the Whale
Sarah Jessica Parker, The Family Stone
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
More category confusion. Whatever. Catherine Keener in The 40 Year-Old Virgin should be nominated here. I’ll keep on dreaming. Some day I know the GGs are going to nominate an actual comedy. I believe in the system!

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE -MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Pierce Brosnan, The Matador
Jeff Daniels, The Squid and the Whale
Johnny Depp, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Cillian Murphy, Breakfast on Pluto
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
Really nice to see Joaquin getting nominated. Reese is getting too much of the credit for Walk the Line’s greatness.

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Kung Fu Hustle (China)
Master of the Crimson Armor aka The Promise (China)
Merr Christmas (Joyeux Noel) (France)
Paradise Now (Palestine)
Tsotsi (South Africa)
I refuse to see most of these movies. It’s become very hip to like Arab films, even if they’re crap. You can’t tell me that a movie produced in Palestine is as good as anything made in China, France, Japan, Russia, Korea, or a host of other countries whose citizens are not busy blowing themselves up.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Scarlett Johansson, Match Point
Shirley MacLaine, In Her Shoes
Frances McDormand, North Country
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain
While I love Scarlett Johansson… Match Point? Really? This is such a give up nomination. Just because Woody Allen finally made a movie that doesn’t totally suck doesn’t mean you’ve got to nominate it and everyone in it.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
George Clooney, Syriana
Matt Dillon, Crash
Will Ferrell, The Producers
Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
Bob Hoskins, Mrs. Henderson Presents
George Clooney got fat for Syriana, weight fluctuation is guarenteed awards contention. Paul Giamattie does not deserve to be here. Matt Dillon deserves to win with racism.

BEST DIRECTOR - MOTION PICTURE
Woody Allen, Match Point
George Clooney, Good Night and Good Luck
Peter Jackson, King Kong
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Fernando Meirelles, The Constant Gardener
Steven Spielberg, Munich
The Woody Allen shock continues. At least Spielberg finally got some attention. I’d like to see him win this, but it’s probably going to be overrated Ang Lee.

BEST SCREENPLAY - MOTION PICTURE
Woody Allen, Match Point
Goerge Clooney & Grant Heslov, Good Night and Good Luck
Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco, Crash
Tony Kushner & Eric Roth, Munich
Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana, Brokeback Mountain
There’s no question that Haggis & Moresco should run away with this one. If it goes to Brokeback Mountain the foreign press has either gone mad, or has some sort of gay-promoting agenda. Seriously, that was a bad script that just didn’t know how to end. Decent movie, but serious scripting issues. I don’t care if it’s based on a book, if you’re adapting a book and the book doesn’t know how to end, then it’s your job to fix it, not make the movie just as bad.

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE - MOTION PICTURE
Alexandre Desplat, Syriana
James Newton Howard, King Kong
Gustavo Santaolalla, Brokeback Mountain
Harry Gregson, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardobe
John Williams, Memoirs of a Geisha
While I was actually sitting there, I can’t say I really noticed the score to Narnia. But then I walked out of the theater, and found myself inexplicably humming it. It’s a really good score, head and shoulders above any of the others in this category.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG - MOTION PICTURE
“A Love that Will Never Grow Old”, Brokeback Mountain
“Christmas in Love”, Christmas In Love
“There’s Nothing Like a Show on Broadway”, The Producers
“Travelin Thru”, Transamerica
“Wunderkind”, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
This category should be castrated.