We get comments here on Cinema Blend. Most of them are intelligent, complimentary and interesting. Some of them are obsessive, creepy, and contain references to feces. Far too many of them seem to have been written by ring-tailed lemurs. Lemur or no, there’s nothing worse than an unanswered letter so, to show our appreciation for even the worst Cinema Blend commenters, I’ve corralled all of those most unique comments from the past few weeks into a single page and decided to dedicate my time to honoring their participation with a response. For every reaction there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Here it is:


In response to Katey’s positive review of Miracle at St. Anna.

Anthony Says: I'll be there tonight. And then I'll be back with my review. As an African American entrepreneur, I have yet to see a film/tv character that reflects my life, though there are hundreds of thousands of African American Entrepreneurs. So any movie that attempts to portray true to life characters of the African American experience, I'm all in.

Hi Anthony, I hope you enjoyed the film. I do however have a question. You’re an African American businessman living in the year 2008, correct? This is a movie about African American soldiers in Italy during World War II. Besides the color of your skin, what exactly about this film do you expect to portray the “African American experience” as you know it? Encounter a lot of Italians do you? Kill any Nazis lately? I hate to be a downer here, but you have about as much in common with these soldiers as I do with Ben Affleck in Pearl Harbor… except for he got to make out with Kate Beckinsale. God I wish I could make out with Kate Beckinsale. Now there’s something that’s true to the life of all men everywhere. We all want to make out with Kate Beckinsale. Are you with me?

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In response to Katey’s positive review of Miracle at St. Anna.

Don Says: of course the critics give this movie a bad rating 99% are white! they have no ideal of what the buffalo black men went through, not just then but today and never will, history that should not be forgotten.Spike my brother you knocked this one out of the park so emotional and beautiful I love this movie, it just goes to show that still even in the 21st century all that our people had to endure from ignorance and suffering that we are a forgiving and loving race, the relationship that the giant and that little boy had was very moving and touching, didn't matter to the giant what color he was he treated that kid as if he was his own and put his own life on the line to protect him,yes it was jammed packed for 160 minutes but you can never have enough time to tell history.

So critics gave this movie a bad reviews because they are white. Huh. Um Don? You might click on the name of the author who wrote the positive review you’re commenting on. Her name is Katey Rich, she’s a wonderfully talented writer, and if you click on her name you’ll be taken to her profile page. On that page, you’ll see her picture. Notice anything interesting? Yeah, she appears to be somewhat Caucasian doesn’t she? You know what? I think she even lives in New York. I hear they have Jews there. I’m sure they’re to blame, for… whatever… is… going on here. What is going on here? Oh yeah, bigotry. How tiresome.

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In Response to Mack’s negative review of Fireproof.

William Says: As a 47 year old married (Christian) man who saw the movie, I really thought it was excellent. The above review is typical of any non-Christian who may go see it (not knowing they are seeing a movie from a Christian perspective instead of a worldly perspective) and also held an anti-Christian attitude such as the reviewer. Movie is great for anyone seeking to understand the true meaning of what love and marriage is really about, instead of just romance. The internet porn problem today was brought into the open for the true problem it really poses, especially for men. But more importantly, the movie shows that ultimately without putting God first, marriage doesn't stand much of a chance. I am also an avid movie buff, so this isn't just a closet movie-goer's perspective, although these days there are only a small handful of movies a year worth seeing in my opinion.

I’m glad you enjoyed the movie, even if it is probably awful. I mean, you’d already bought the tickets, so at least you don’t feel like you wasted your money… even if you did. I am somewhat confused by your definition of “movie buff” though. Normally, I’d define a movie buff as someone who enjoys and watches a lot of movies. I’m not saying a movie buff has to like everything, but generally a movie buff thinks there are a great many movies worth seeing. Not you apparently. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe movie buff means someone who splashes holy water on their Christian-themed DVDs while sneering at good, honest, pornography. Porn stars have feelings too Will. They just hide them until after the scene is over.

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In Response to Mack’s negative review of Fireproof.

Stephanie Says: I found your review to be wayyy off and I haven't seen the movie yet.

It’s good to know that when you do finally see it, you’ll go into it with an open mind.

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In Response to Mack’s negative review of Fireproof.

play2win Says: If you ask me, even if you don't, I think that people that don't believe in anything can't truly believe in themselves. That is why we have a society of whiny adults who can't think for themselves and their children look up to idiots on television like, but not limited to, The Girls next Door, Sunset tan, Gossip girl, you see where I'm going with this.

So you’re blaming the whiny adults of our society entirely on a lack of belief in… well I’m just going to go ahead and assume you believe in God. You do realize of course that you live in a predominately Christian nation right? I mean, like 85% of the country is religious. The current President claims he gets his orders directly from Jesus. Or are the whiners you’re talking about only in that 15%? Boy wouldn’t that be convenient. I’m sure that’s the case, they just whine so loud it seems like there’s more of them.

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In Response to Mack’s negative review of Fireproof.

Lulu Says: If Atheist don't need help, then why are so many of them watching Oprah?

I had no idea Oprah had such a big atheist audience. Maybe they’re just hoping to get free cars, since they can’t pray to Allah for them?

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In Response to Mack’s negative review of Fireproof.

Brooke Says: It completely blows my mind that anyone could give this movie a bad review! Unless of course it was someone who does not believe in the power of Christ.

The power of Christ compels you… to give Kirk Cameron your money even if he makes shitty movies. Sounds more like the work of Beelzebub to me. Last I heard God was all about letting people think for themselves, have different opinions, and all that crummy free speech free thinking shit which is ruining our country. Isn’t that what the tree in the garden was all about? Letting Adam and Eve think and choose for themselves between him and the talking snake? Granted if you do think for yourself he’ll get busy with the smiting, but he’s not against the actual thinking per say, as long as you’re ok with him screwing you over afterward.

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In Response to Mack’s negative review of Fireproof.

Eliza Says: I think this review is generous unless you are an evangelical Christian or fundamentalist of some stripe this movie is a heavy handed and cloying plug for religion and implies religion and one particular one at that will solve all life's problems. I'm happily married for many years and if we did have problems and my husband resorted to heavy handed religious sop and prayer it would be disasterous for us. It depends on the person and if this sort of approach and beliefs are you then you will probably be okay with it as a relationship movie that validates what you believe. If that sort of stuff is not in line with your beliefs and not useful in your life its going to be a cheesy religious advertisement.

Dear Eliza, please be careful. You’re being far too reasonable.

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In response to the news that Keira Knightley Will Not Do More Pirates Movies.

Albert F. Wilke Says: she is a stuped bich and is a fool

If she is a stupid bitch and a fool, then why so upset that she’s not doing more Pirates? You wouldn’t want a stupid bitch and a fool muddying up a good pirate movie now would you?

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In response to our report on Christopher Tolkien’s fight to shut down The Hobbit.

Benjamin Says: Perhaps Christopher Tolkien actually has seen the films and is as disappointed with them as I was. In a sense I credit them as being good movies but every time I attempt to watch them or see them on TV I am infuriated by them. I have been reading the books since I was eleven and it annoys me to see the way Peter Jackson changed things around. Peter Jackson protecting LOTR? In terms of creative license changes he is barely better than that old animated version of LOTR. Did he think he was making improvements? I cannot grasp how credit him with staying faithful to the books. Who knows what Christopher Tolkien's motives really are but to assume that they are just because he is old, cranky and hates hollywood is just dumb. I wouldn't mind seeing The Hobbit being made but I wish they could keep Peter Jackson out of it at least. Get the screenwriters who did the Harry Potter adaptations. They at least seem to value the published plot structures above their own imaginations. I have this vision of a greasy, hyperactive Peter Jackson clutching action figures and saying, "Wouldn't it be cool if like an army of elves came to help the Rohan at Helm's Deep. That'd be awesome. And then we can make it all melodramatic and stuff..." Ughh

Christopher Tolkien hasn’t seen the films. He himself has said so. You at least have seen them and thus can have real opinions, and, in spite of yourself acknowledge that they’re good. And why are they good? Because they do precisely the opposite of what you want them to do. Books and movies are completely different mediums, and thus have completely different needs. Peter Jackson understood that, and that’s why Lord of the Rings will be remembered as one of the best trilogies ever made, while Harry Potter will never be more than a bunch of pleasant wizard movies with lots of computerized special effects and a giant or two. While Harry Potter’s directors try to recreate J.K. Rowling’s imagination, Peter Jackson allowed Tolkien’s words to unlock his own. I doubt J.R.R. would have wanted it any other way.

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In response to my review of Religulous.

decent Says: i'm an agnostic and i still think bill maher is ignorant and an idiot. he's a total hypocrite and probably a christian who sold his soul to the devil and just uses this liberal propaganda bullshit to make money off of blindly leftist college students.

When you say you’re an agnostic, are you just agnostic about capitalization? Because if you’re an agnostic, then you aren’t really sure if there actually is a devil for Bill to sell his soul to, thus making your statement… well… bizarre. Another bizarre notion in those two poorly constructed sentences: make money off college students? How many college students do you know? Because the ones I know, heck the one I was, wore t-shirts stolen off of homeless people and drove around in a 1992 Geo Prizm (hey, it had a sun roof!). That goes double for the “leftist” ones, since they’ve usually been disowned by their rich, capitalist, conservative parents for smoking copious amounts of pot (their only real monetary investment). But goddamn them for getting an education! Elitists! Yeah, lots of money to be made there.

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In response to Mack’s Red Band Rant: Nerds Are Ruining Hollywood.

Ryan Says: Such is the internet nowadays though. When the internet first started it was about people all over the world being able to connect, and it was all about emails and chatrooms. Now it has become the Blogosphere, where angry, bitter people who are under the assumption that people give a flying fuck about their opinions come to bitch and whine about whatever random thing pops into their miserable heads.

Fight the power! You showed him! You have demonstrated your complete disinterest in Mack’s opinions by taking the time and energy to read his entire rant, go down to the bottom, and then post a comment expressing how disinterested you are in it. Obviously you don’t care at all and it’s not worth your time! What’s next? Protest the Iraq war by joining the army and volunteering for duty in Baghdad? Express your opposition to torture by locking your neighbor in the garage and removing his toenails with a rusty bottlecap?

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In response to Mack’s Red Band Rant: Nerds Are Ruining Hollywood.

KarateLobster Says: I have goats in my pants.

Buddy who doesn’t. I think they make a cream for that.