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James Bond Borrows Hitman's GirlfriendBy Josh Tyler: 2008-01-08 01:29:53
James Bond has yet another babe to work his magic on. Ukrainian actress Olga Kurylenko has been hired to play Camille, a character described as “alluring” and whom the film’s producers say will help Bond “come to terms with the emotional consequences of Vesper's betrayal.” I think that’s code for she’s gonna sleep with him. Naked. Probably underneath some sheets. Maybe after a few drinks. Possibly even as part of a threesome. This is James Bond we’re talking about here. He may trade barbs with some of the ugly ones, but if you’re pretty girl, the guy really only has one use for you.
If Hillary Clinton becomes President, I wouldn’t blame her a bit for banning Bond movies. Till then, I look forward to enjoying Olga Kurylenko, who was, quite literally the only enjoyable thing about Hitman. Seriously, did you see it? You at least saw the trailers didn’t you? Remember the girl with the face tat and the red dress? Calm down, geez. Every time she was on screen I forgot I was watching a shitty movie. Also I broke out into a nasty case of the flop sweats, which probably pleased the theater cleaning crew who had to come in later and mop up my seat. That’s her there in that picture to your right, with Timothy Olyphant’s head. She seems well qualified for her impending partial nudity, doesn’t she? Meanwhile, the word is out on Gemma Aterton, previously rumored to be one of Bond’s babes. She’s in the movie, probably as a fellow MI6 agent. Dear Ms. Aterton: Don’t think for a second that this means you won’t have to sleep with him. Just look what he did to poor Halle Berry… and she’s an Oscar winner. A dubiously deserving Oscar winner, but winner nonetheless.
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April 12, 2008 at 15:16