Oh, Jason Segel. One day, just as we did with Seth Rogen and Steve Carrell before him, we will leave you, and you will go on to bigger, better things, things to which we could never follow you (Get Smart 2?). I truly hope that day is somewhere off in the distant future but fear that it may be just around the corner. But at least for now, you’re staying with us.

I know that’s true because THR told me. They said that you’ve signed on to star, with your old friend Jonah Hill and your new friend Jason Schwartzman, in a movie titled The Adventurer’s Handbook. They said that you’re playing a drunken, failed musician (ah, the familiarity), and that the movie will follow you, Jonah, and Jason, three friends whose lives aren’t what they had hoped, as you attempt to go on an adventure based on an adventure book you read as children.

Oh the fun times you’ll have, we’ll ALL have together. You with your friends, words written by Jonah Hill, directed by Akiva Schaffer. It’ll be a grand time that in the years to come, we can look back on and remember. Remember the time when you made us laugh because although I said we would eventually leave you, what I meant was that you will leave us, for broader comedies, attempts at drama, million dollar paychecks. Those before you did it, so why would you be any different? Just know that you’ll be missed.