Jason Statham's Most Devastating Hits

By Mack Rawden 2011-05-15 22:24:56discussion comments
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Some people like their action stars to be gymnasts. They like Ďem to climb walls, summersault, triple axle and do intricate and distracting maneuvers with their hands. They like Ďem svelte and aerodynamic, able to easily hide in plain sight or impersonate harmless boobs on the street. They like brutal and violent theater, gaudy displays of dexterous grandiosity not likely to be seen in sketchy divebars and biker clus. Not me. If I want to watch an uneven bars routine, Iíll fire up Nadia Comeneci on YouTube. What can I say? Iím a man of simple taste when it comes to action stars. Call me resistant to change or biased toward the throwbacks, but if I were choosing a man to defend this realm in Mortal Kombat, Iíd pick the biggest, baddest, most menacing bastard on the block and tell him to kick the holy hell out of a lot of people.

Remember that scene in Tropic Thunder where Tom Cruise tells the key grip to punch the director right in the face? Thatís what I want to see, some hulking and intimidating son of a bitch inflicting as much damage as possible. No pressure points or new-fangled ballet nonsense, just straight ahead right hands, sneaky uppercuts, well-placed leg sweep and accurate gunfire. I want men who look like rugby players. Jason Statham looks like a rugby player, and thatís why heís the action star for me. He doesnít need Far East tactics or sneak attacks to disable an opponent. He tells Ďem heís going to kick their ass, and then he kicks their ass. Itís not a physics experiment or borderline science fiction mumbo jumbo. Heíll do what it takes to complete his task, whether that means resorting to martial arts or shooting an unarmed man. From streetfights to disagreements over women to hired hospital jobs, Jason Statham is my favorite vigilante. With rugged good looks, a likeable personality and some beat-up knuckles, heíll take two punches in the face to deliver one.

Later this week, the Jason Statham and Ben Foster hitman remake The Mechanic right hooks its way onto DVD and Blu-Ray. To gear up for Statham's devastating arrival on Blu-ray, Cinema Blend is proud to bring to you the 5 most devastating beatings Jason Statham has ever unleashed. Cover your face, curl up into the fetal position and pray he generously decides to take mercy on your soul. Spoiler alert: he wonít.

Kicking The Door Down in the Transporter
Before the first Transporter was released, Jason Statham was known only to obsessive diving fans and a small demographic very into Guy Ritchie films. One running kick helped change that. With an inconspicuous ring of the bill, he coaxes the first big lug out of hiding and proceeds to bury him underneath the door. From there, he hides beneath a table to escape a hale of gunfire, quickly turning the momentum and shooting kneecaps for sport. Run of the mill criminals always think massacring everyone in the room is the right call, but Jason Stathamís been through too many wars for that. You ice the main guy in the head and leave the rest broken and bleeding, pathetic shells their self-esteems will never recover from. Oh, and to finish it all off, he wrecks two douche bags simultaneously coming at him with axes. James Caan could have used those skills in Misery.

Explaining What He Does For A Living in The Expendables
Sharing with someone special details of your personal life can sometimes be a bit nerve-wracking, especially if you work in a strange or sensitive field, but once Jason Stathamís lady friend begrudgingly opens up and tells him who hit her, the mercenary decides itís the perfect opportunity to finally divulge his trade. Together, they roll up on a local park in his motorcycle before Statham briskly walks to center court, threatens to take lives and unleashes a stinging right hand, silently announcing heís prepared to fight one-on-six. Of course, the domestic abuser and his band of goons are no match for the bald-headed badass who unsheathes a knife at one point , but knows thereís no point in delivering a further message because his would be heeded. Now you know what he does for a living.

Hiding What He Needs To Do in Crank
Sometimes, as shown in the paragraph above, itís best to inform the ladies of what youíre up to, but now and again, a man needs to handle his shit without worrying his Entwife. Thatís the case here in Crank where Jason Statham capitalizes on Amy Smartís lacksidasical movements to get in a few serious asskickings without her being the wiser. Sure, there are several scenes where he fights more people at a time, even one where he uses a manís body as a human shield in the sequel, but none of those involve keeping a bystander out of the loop. Multitasking is generally a lot harder for men, but a true badass should be able to handle his dirty work and still be presentable for dinner.

Refusing To Leave Without His Coat in London
When it comes down to it, most people donít want to fight. They talk a good game, sure, but throwing the first punch is another matter entirely. Itís one thing when youíre paid to do that sort of thing for a living, but thereís an inherent pressure to keep the peace and not be the guy that threw the first punch in a social situation. At least thatís how most people think, but thereís a tiny subdemographic of crazy motherfuckers out there that just canít help themselves. Jason Stathamís character in London is one of those men. Armed with a bottle and screaming ďAlright, come on thenĒ, he unleashes holy hell upon a casual party suddenly gone UFC. Men are kicked while theyíre down, C-bombs are profusely dropped and it takes a screaming woman to get Statham and his buddy out of the melee and onto an elevator. Unfortunately, he forgot his coat. Donít tell even bother telling him not to go back. Heís had it for ten years.

Finishing The Job in Death Race
All of these asskickings weíve shown you thus far have taken great skill or sizeable balls, but a true assassin never stops until he finishes the job. It takes unflinching brutality to snap a defenseless enemyís throat, but the truly great ones donít hesitate when the opportunity arises. Thatís whatís happening here in this clip from Death Race. Despite some passenger seat questioning, Statham suits up like the gimp from Pulp Fiction, exits the vehicle and relishes the execution he was born to dole out. Sure, he pauses for a second but only to deliver one last biting taunt into his victimís ear. Normally, you see this sort of jeering from villains and scoundrels, but Statham canít send anyone to hell until he lets him know whoís doing the sending. I can approve of that, and since youíre reading an article about merciless asswhoopings, something tells me you can too. Game, set, Statham!

Got your own favorite Jason Statham beat-downs? Add to the list by telling us about them in the comments below.
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