Hollywood’s current trend towards remaking classic films is out of control. That’s not an opinion but a fact. I’ve tolerated it up to this point because the majority of the chosen pictures were either extremely old or could have been improved in some way. Unfortunately, today’s Karate Kid news pushed my simmering pot off the stove and onto my poor, defenseless feet.

According to IGN, reliable sources have confirmed that a Karate Kid remake is imminent. Who the hell thought this was a good idea? The original came out twenty-three years ago. It’s not like the film isn’t readily available at every single video rental store around the country. To make matters worse, the reliable source claims Will Smith’s son Jaden would take up Ralph Machio’s role as the protagonist. That little ass hat couldn’t even get his speech right at last year’s Academy Awards. What a debacle. Please join me in writing your local congressman to express outrage at this future destruction of a historical monument.