If I had the childhood attachment to G.I. Joe that a lot of you have, this news would probably scare the hell out of me. But as I’ve said before, I don’t. I played with Transformers, and the only kid I knew who had G.I. Joe dolls was primarily known by my friends and me as “Urine Kid”. So now I unfairly associate the characters and the toys with a faintly nauseating ammonia smell.

For the rest of you though, here’s some news that’ll make you piss your pants in fear and loathing. Variety says that Paramount has hired Marlon Wayans to star in their upcoming G.I. Joe movie. Marlon Wayans gave a good performance once, in a movie called Requiem for a Dream. Since then he’s seemed determined to prove that whole “good acting” thing a fluke, and gleefully leaped into making such pieces of shit as Dungeons and Dragons, White Chicks, and Little Man even worse. Now he’s starring in G.I. Joe, where he’ll play Ripcord, “leader of the military unit”.

Luckily, it’s a bit of good news, bad news for G.I. Joe tonight. We’ve got the bad news out of the way, how about something good? It looks like Joseph Gordon-Levitt may also end up joining the cast. He’s currently in negotiations with Paramount. If he signs up, that might actually balance out Marlon Wayans’ suckiness. Levitt’s flat out amazing, easily the best young actor currently working in Hollywood. He’s given two consecutively jaw-dropping performances in Brick and this year in The Lookout. You can’t really do much better than Levitt. He’s the anti-Wayans, and G.I. Joe would be lucky to have him.