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My Childhood WalkeredBy Matt Norris: 2004-06-02 00:00:00
Hollywood has an epidemic and his name is Paul Walker. Why does he keep getting hired to headline projects? Is it the way he reads lines so woodenly or the way he stares blankly at the camera? I was going to bite my tongue after he ruined Timeline and after he was rumored to star in the new Fantastic Four movie. But something has happened that has awakened the angry child within. Paul Walker is trying to ruin my childhood.
I am a child of the 80s and of its television. Some of my favorites were The A-Team, The Dukes of Hazzard and Knight Rider. Hollywood has decided that infecting new projects with Walker’s ineptness is not enough; they want to ruin classic television as well. A movie version of the Duke Boys or K.I.T.T. shows a lack of creativity. Casting Paul Walker just friggin adds insult to injury. Last month, Walker signed on to play Bo Duke in the Dukes of Hazzard movie along with Ashton Kutcher (Luke Duke) and Jessica Simpson (Daisy). I fumed about that, but I could at least see that they were afraid to cast someone smarter than Kutcher and Simpson. In that respect, Paul Walker was the only choice. Today’s rumor has brought out the anger in me not seen since the Three Stooges movie news broke. Paul Walker is now in talks to star in Knight Rider. MOTHERF&%*ER! IS NOTHING SACRED? And what makes me really mad is that Walker is so bad, he makes David Hasselhoff look like Laurence Olivier. While we are at it, let’s change K.I.T.T. to one of those dorky cars from The Fast and The Furious and change K.I.T.T’s voice to Snoop Dogg too. Damn I’m angry. When a casting makes me wish HASSELHOFF was the star, you know it’s bad. Someone explain to me the appeal of Paul Walker. And if you are a 13 year old girl, your opinion doesn’t count. While you are digesting this, I will be hurling my Knight Rider lunch box at TV Land.  Got a comment? .
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