Regardless of what cynics and haters will say, Beastly, CBS Films’ modern retelling of Beauty and the Beast, will make metric butt-tons of cash. Not because it will be great or because it will have any unique or inherently interesting qualities, but because zillions of tweaky teenagers will see anything Vanessa Hudgens is in, and with Alex Pettyfer starring, it’s safe to say he’ll be responsible for a few screaming tweens finding their way to the theater next March.

This new trailer from AOL.com knows exactly who it’s aiming at and takes as many shots at them as possible in the two minutes it has to get its point across.

Beastly does have one redeeming quality for those who care nothing for films of this nature and that’s Neil Patrick Harris. While he doesn’t spend too much time on screen for this preview, he’s bound to get the most laughs out of the entire cast.

Beastly doesn’t look bad, but it seems they’re taking the Tangled marketing route and only playing to the interests of one demographic. Any Hudgen fans out there want to edit the footage into a horror trailer? It can be done. (inb4 “in already is a horror trailer”). Scope it out below along with a full synopsis from /Film.

Kyle Kingson (Pettyfer) has it all – looks, intelligence, wealth and opportunity – and a wicked cruel streak. Prone to mocking and humiliating “aggressively unattractive” classmates, he zeroes in on Goth classmate Kendra, inviting her to the school’s extravagant environmental bash. Kendra accepts, and, true to form, Kyle blows her off in a particularly savage fashion. She retaliates by casting a spell that physically transforms him into everything he despises. Enraged by his horrible and unrecognizable appearance he confronts Kendra and learns that the only solution to the curse is to find someone that will love him as he is – a task he considers impossible.

Repulsed by his appearance, Kyle’s callous father banishes him to Brooklyn with a sympathetic housekeeper and blind tutor. As Kyle ponders how to overcome the curse and get his old life back, he chances upon a drug addict in the act of killing a threatening dealer. Seizing the opportunity, Kyle promises the addict freedom and safety for his daughter, Lindy (Hudgens) if she will consent to live in Kyle’s Brooklyn home. Thus begins Kyle’s journey to discover true love in this hyper-modern retelling of the classic “Beauty and the Beast” story.