Orlando Bloom is set to star in teenage age girl’s coming of age story… as he no doubt already has for the millions of young girls who pretend to make out with his poster every night before bed. HR says he’s been cast along with Alfred Molina and an actress named Sally Hawkins in a film called An Education.

Already in the film are Emma Thompson, Peter Sarsgaard, and some other people who are probably really nice actors but who aren’t famous enough for the average joe to recognize. So apparently there’s something good about this script, which was written by Nick Hornsby, who’s name is famous enough that some of you might have heard it before.

The movie tells the story of a 17-year-old girl whose life is “blown apart” when a 30-year-old playboy arrives. I don’t know if “arrives” is a euphemism for orgasm or if we’re just talking about him moving into the neighborhood. It’s really hard to tell from HR’s description. I’m going to assume orgasm, because it’s almost midnight, I’m drinking scotch, and that means I’m feeling bastardly.

No word on who is playing what, but either Sarsgaard or Bloom would seem to be a pretty good fit as the orgasming gigolo. Maybe moreso Bloom than Sargaard… last time I saw him he was getting rather fat, and how many teenage girls has he actually made out with from a poster? Almost certainly not as many as Orlando.