In the same way that Will Ferrell got caught up in doing sports movies over and over again, it now seems that Kevin James is headed down a road filled with an unending string of varying types of guard duties. For his next starring role, he’ll trade in the guarding of malls for the guarding of animals.

Variety says that James is set to star in The Zookeeper for MGM. The movie casts him as a lonely, fat zookeeper who decides to leave his job because he can’t get a girl. I guess they don’t dig the smell of manure? Whatever the reason, the animals in the zoo decide to intervene. Computer generated comedy ensues. I’m picturing Paul Blart meets the Eddie Murphy version of Doctor Dolittle. Go ahead and shudder. You’ve earned it by reading this far.

Though it sounds unbearable, there was apparently a huge bidding war of over the project. MGM won and now we all lose.