I have a confession to make… I tried to watch the “Peoples Choice Awards” tonight. I’m not proud of it, but I was going to do it for all of you. I sat down, and bravely tried to solider through. I lasted ten minutes. Ten minutes of the biggest television beatdown my brain has endured since “Hee-Haw”. I’m sorry people, I had to bail.

Luckily for all of you, whether or not I bring you the results is in no way dependent on me actually sitting through that television terror-cast. I’ll just rip the list of winners off from a random news site.

Each year the Peoples Choice Awards hand out glass trophies in the areas of television, movies, and music based on whoever the people voted on as their favorite. Thus they don’t have a “Best Picture” category, but instead have weird categories like “Favorite Motion Picture”. The people have spoken and the people are, generally speaking, pretty fucking stupid. So without further ado, here’s the movie category winners, I’m not bothering with the others, because in case you hadn’t noticed, this is a movie site. I have no interest in further promoting the career of Tim McGraw.

31st Annual People’s Choice Awards Winners
(insert the word “favorite” in front of all the categories and save me some typing)

Motion picture: "Fahrenheit 9/11"
Drama motion picture: "The Passion of the Christ"
Comedy motion picture: "Shrek 2"
Animated motion picture: "Shrek 2"
Favorite sequel: "Shrek 2"
Animated movie star: Donkey in "Shrek 2" (voiced by Eddie Murphy)
Movie villain: The Fairy Godmother in "Shrek 2" (voiced by Jennifer Saunders)
Favorite on-screen chemistry: Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler in "50 First Dates"
Female movie star: Julia Roberts
Male movie star: Johnny Depp
Female action movie star: Angelina Jolie
Male action movie star: Will Smith
Leading lady: Renee Zellweger
Leading man: Brad Pitt
Funny female star: Ellen DeGeneres
Funny male star: Jim Carrey

If people love Angelina Jolie in action movies so much, you’d think they’d go see one or two of them. These idiots don’t even know why they love her. I hate these people. I hope they hate me. Worst awards ever. Heck, they're even rigged. Fans were allowed to vote as many times as they wanted, which explains why movies with lunatic zealots as their fanbase, The Passion and F911, won awards. Neither is likely to win anything legitimate.