Peter Facinelli has hopped on board a pretty reliable gravy train as paterfamilias Carlisle Cullen in the Twilight films, but even if that's treating him better than playing Mike Dexter in Can't Hardly Wait did, he still probably needs another option to keep the lights on. So he's going the route of plenty of actors who see their time as professional pretty boys running out: he's writing.

Facinelli has written the script The Loosies and found Michael Corrente to direct it, with Variety reporting that Vincent Gallo and Michael Madsen have also hopped on board. Facinelli will also play the main character, a criminal somehow making a successful living as a pickpocket but derailed with an old fling shows up pregnant with his child. Gallo and Madsen's roles aren't specified, but both have proven pretty good at playing bad-guy types in the past, so don't be surprised to see them pop up as fellow criminals.

I ask but one thing of this movie: please let Peter Facinelli show up with his actual hair in place. I realize Carlisle Cullen is written as being blond, but seriously, the wig they make him wear is truly terrible. Sorry, Twihards, but Mike Dexter trumps Carlisle Cullen all the way on this one.