Prepare For The Dark Knight: Batman and Robin

By Rafe Telsch: 2008-07-13 23:04:51

The Dark Knight is one of the biggest releases of this summer, if not the year. How do you prepare yourself for such a monumental picture? By watching previous depictions of Batman in movies, of course. We’re making our way through ten feature length incarnations of the Dark Knight’s stories, from Adam West to animation. We invite you to join us for the ride as we analyze the good, the bad, and the Bat.

(And yes, we’re actually re-watching all of these old flicks rather than just relying on our memory, so we can honestly evaluate each of them in preparation for The Dark Knight).

Day Six: Batman & Robin (1997)

As I mentioned yesterday, I found Batman Forever entertaining when it was first released in theaters. I can only assume the success of the third Batman film was why a fourth one was green-lit with the same director, because it sure wasn’t the artistic take on the character. Since I originally liked the movie, I can only hold myself partially responsible for the release of Batman & Robin, the film that nailed shut the Batman franchise coffin and buried it for several many years, even making some of us nervous about a new film almost a decade later.

Much like Forever, I remember my first reaction to Batman & Robin; it’s a reaction that holds true today. Within the first twelve minutes of the movie, which include butt-shots, a newly remodeled Batmobile that leaves Batman’s head exposed, several bad cold weather puns from the horribly miscast Arnold Schwarzeneggar, and instant ice skates for Batman and Robin, I could only assume one thing: somewhere, former Bat-embarrassment Adam West was holding his head high, knowing that he was no longer responsible for the worst depiction of the Dark Knight.

If Joel Schumacher got anything directly related to Batman right in the last movie, there’s no evidence of it here. There’s no depth to the story, no attempts to parallel Batman through his villains or an exploration of a shared theme among the characters. This is just a popcorn spectacle, and anyone with any knowledge of Batman will quickly realize neither Schumacher nor scriptwriter Akiva Goldsman get it when it comes to the caped crusader.

It doesn’t even seem the writer or director paid attention to their last picture, as we join Batman and Robin still bickering about Robin’s role in their partnership as if Val Kilmer never recited his corny monologue in Batman Forever. The confused dynamic obviously wasn’t enough for the creators, since not only do Batman and Robin not get the chance to actually work as a team, but the dynamic shifts again with the addition of Batgirl by the end of the film.

Batgirl, in this case, isn’t the daughter of Commissioner Gordon, as in every other incarnation. Rather than develop the poorly used Gordon, he continues to play on the secondary roster as Alfred is given a little more screentime. Barbara is now Alfred’s niece, whose parents died five years ago in a car crash (the exposition is one of the first words she says to Bruce Wayne - you’d think she’d have a better ice breaker than that). She comes to visit Alfred, who is ailing and possibly dying. Alfred’s illness is probably supposed to make us feel bad for the character. Instead it got me to thinking about his role through-out the four movies with the dawning realization that this version of Alfred is Batman’s biggest security risk. The butler let Vicki Vale into the Batcave in the first film, Dick Greyson in the third film, and his own niece here - who at least he was kind enough to have a costume premade for. I guess Batman doesn’t even get to pick his own team anymore.

If the Barbara debacle isn’t enough, the villains here are horrifically treated. After years of the fantastically cold voice of Michael Ansara behind Mr. Freeze, here we get the garbled Arnold Schwarzenegger with a more muscle-bound take on the role. He doesn’t get the emotionless part of the character, giving a performance akin to Tommy Lee Jones’s take on Two-Face, and the endless puns are unbearable. At least Uma Thurman seems to get the joke of this movie and didn’t bother to bring her talent with her to play Poison Ivy. Her performance starts like an over-the-top high school show and moves into something like a bad Mae West impersonation as done by Madonna. The biggest tragedy of the whole flick, however, is supervillain Bane. The bad guy who broke the Bat, both mentally and physically, is reduced to a grunting, monosyllabic behemoth sidekick.

I know that Schumacher has since said one of the driving reasons behind the making of Batman & Robin was to sell toys. I don’t buy it. Cartoons are the primary medium to sell toys. Movies can sell toys, but they cost a ton more to make than some animated half-hour series. Besides, movies are eternal, and now Schumacher will eternally be linked with this absolute turd of a movie. Even if he makes the most brilliant picture of all time before his career ends, Batman fans will always remember his name and this movie as the picture that put an end to Batman’s big screen reign for quite a while.

The Good: The only good thing I can say about the movie is that George “Chicken Head” Clooney, who can’t stop shaking his head during every line delivery in this movie, probably looks the best under the cowl than any of the other Batmen in the Burton/Schumacher series. He has the right chin, it’s just a shame he had no characterization in such a pathetic attempt at a Batman story.

The Bad: It’s all bad. Particularly awful are Bane and Batgirl. The first is one of Batman’s most intelligent and physically powerful enemies turned into a secondary monster, and the second is barely performed better than Bane, simply because Alicia Silverstone can’t back her looks with talent - at least not here.

The Bat: Yet another Batmobile that lights up even more than the last version and leaves Batman’s head exposed for any oncoming fire. Several Batsuits with no real purpose other than selling toys of different costumes, one of which seems to be equipped with everything Batman would need for an enemy he doesn’t even know he’s facing yet (ice skates? A heat gun?). Don’t’ forget that awesome (sarcasm gets heavy here) Batman credit card - expiration date: Forever.

Final Rating:

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