Robert Pattinson has never really seemed content to be pigeonholed as that vampire guy, and though his recent attempts to be taken seriously as an actor haven’t quite taken hold, this might be the one to do it. Rumor has it that he’s playing Kurt Cobain.

The source for this wild piece of gossip is The Sun, where they’ve played host to a wide assortment of mostly wrong rumors over the years (Cher as Catwoman anyone?). So treat this as wild speculation until there’s some sort of confirmation. That said, they claim Pattinson, better known as dreamboat vamp Edward Cullen, has landed the part of Nirvana’s lead singer in a biopic being made by David Fincher. The movie’s called All Apologies, a reference to this Nirvana song.

The word here is that Pattinson got the part by basically annoying Courtney Love until she gave in. They further claim Love thinks Scarlett Johansson should play her. Scarlett, for those keeping score, is the default casting wish of every woman who has no idea what they really look like. Courtney, you are no ScarJo.

So this is probably completely wrong, since it’s from The Sun. This is the first anyone’s even heard of Fincher making a Nirvana movie, let alone casting for it. But let’s play a friendly game of “what if”. What if Robert Pattinson played Kurt Cobain? It’s easy to imagine him pulling off the look, he’s got the pale, suffering thing pretty well down. Throw on a wig and drape him in flannel and you’ve got the spitting image of Cobain. I can’t, however, imagine Nirvana fans being all that happy with it.

The only people still buying Nirvana records are, well, they’re me. We’re in our 30s, we’re married, we’re boring, we’re old, and we really hate those Twilight movies. They represent everything Nirvana railed against. The last thing any hardcore Nirvana fan wants is Edward Cullen sparkling his way through the most important band of their high school years. If Pattinson plays Cobain does that mean Taylor Lautner has to play Dave Grohl? I've always suspected Grohl might be part wolf. Can Pattinson even sing? Can Lautner play the drums? I’ll be happy with The Sun’s story turns out to be wrong.

Kurt Cobain

Robert Pattinson