This Rotten Week: Predicting G.I. Joe: Retaliation, The Host And More Reviews

By Doug Norrie 2013-03-24 11:35:13discussion comments
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Coming off a strong week, three for three, we’ve got a full docket this time around. G.I. Joe under attack, Stephenie Meyer getting out of vampires and into aliens, Tyler Perry with another “movie” and Gosling heading out beyond the pines.

Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Venture into my parent’s dusty attic, wander to the back corner, open the large cardboard box and you’ll find a treasure trove of heroes. Dudes like Leatherneck, Roadblock, Bazooka, Gung-Ho, Dusty, and Crazylegs. You’ll also find those sons of bitches Storm Shadow, Serpentor, Zartan and Zandar. Hell there’s even a B.A.T. or two. In fact, I’m heading to the ‘rents for Easter. Good chance I break the whole gang out and relive the glory days, making sure the good guys upset Cobra’s plan to take over the world (on the living room floor).

So I was of course pumped for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (34%) and then immediately disappointed because it, you know, stunk. Granted, my expectations weren’t set on any kind of cinematic art, but still ratcheted up because, hell, it was the Joe’s. But the whole thing came off as a farce, almost more of a hokey cartoon than the Saturday morning fare I vegged out on back in the day.

I’m considering this second installment a reset. Strictly from the surface level, this latest feels more aligned with G.I. Joe universe (assuming such a thing exists). While also coming off more as an actual action movie rather than a means to a Hasbro end, or excuse to get a movie out there on the big screen with few other considerations. Hell, The Rock and Bruce Willis are in this one, that has to mean something right?

Directed by Jon Chu (Justin Bieber: Never Say Never-64%, Step Up 2 The Streets-27%, and not to be confused with John Woo which I did for half a second), this movie just looks like more the real thing. And early reviews are generally positive without going gaga. After all, at its core it is still a silly action movie. But that’s fine. G.I. Joes are silly action figures. I just wanted someone to do them an iota of justice. Mostly for my inner child. The Rotten Watch for G.I. Joe: Retaliation is 65%

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