This Rotten Week: Predicting Getaway, Closed Circuit And One Direction Reviews
Hey everyone! I’m back. Raise your hand if you missed me. (You don’t count, Mom. Anyone else? Anyone?) I’m back from a European vacation that resembled something out of National Lampoon’s including me completely losing my wallet five hours before my plane took off, Mrs. Rotten Week’s iPhone taking a toilet plunge in Munich, getting locked out of the apartment where we were staying, and listening to two-year-old Little Rotten Week say “Auf Wiedersehen” no less than ten thousand times at varying decibel levels. All in all a great trip. But I’m back here doing what I do slightly above average. Predicting movies. This week we’ve got getaways, closed circuits and a singular direction.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
What are some positive things I can say about this movie? Um, Ethan Hawke is usually a pretty good actor. Hmm, the car is cool, I guess. … … … And I’m out.
Now let’s look at some of the obvious plot holes, pieces of ridiculousness and questions from this flick guessed from a two minute trailer and the plot synopsis. There are so many that I’m just going to rapid fire them off right here:
Jon Voight’s oddly placed, faux Eastern European/ Middle Eastern accent (like Bane if he was interviewed in an evil senior citizen’s home). Selena Gomez cast as a carjacking hoodlum/ computer hacker. Ethan Hawke instructed to drive, and that’s pretty much it. The police refusing to use helicopters in high speed chases when an aerial presence would most likely mitigate even the fastest car/ best driver scenario in an escape attempt. Believing whatever Voight’s character is trying to accomplish is more difficult/ time consuming than finding a skilled, down on his luck driver, kidnapping his wife, outfitting a car with every high tech gadget and giving countless instructions? At that point, it’s time to cut out the middleman. Hawke’s character’s name is Brent Magna. It’s one, long car commercial (but not it in a cool, Gone in 60 Seconds kind of way). My prediction? Either Voight is Hawke’s father or old race car driving buddy.
And finally, to bookend the critical hopelessness of this “film” is director Courtney Solomon, whose combined Rotten Tomatoes score is 24% with An American Haunting (12%) and Dungeons & Dragons (10%). Tough to be that bad without doing so on purpose. What does it all mean? This thing’s speeding towards the critical basement. The Rotten Watch for Getaway is
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