This Rotten Week: Predicting Taken 2 And Frankenweenie Reviews
A slower Sunday for the Rotten Watch with only two flicks on the docket. This week we’ve got Liam Neeson running roughshod over the bad guys and Tim Burton bringing dogs back to life.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
My father, Papa Rotten Week, is a man of few words. The missives he does throw out there once in a blue moon are usually of the repetitive, I’ve said this a thousand times, theme. Some of his favorite include reminding me I was born in the hospital shown at the beginning of House, giving away endings of books, and reiterating the body count in the movie Taken. I don’t know what exactly got him fixated on this movie, or the death toll number, but one can’t mention Liam Neeson, preteen kidnapping or “sets of skills” without Pops chiming in on how many people died in that flick. It’s crazy. Getting old is nuts.
Now it’s all I can think about with this sequel, because even though the movie apparently sucks (8% after twelve reviews), it probably means I’ll never escape my dad counting up bodies left in Liam Neeson’s wake. And by the looks of the melodramatic and silly trailer, that number is significant.
Oliver “I Dare You To Have a Cooler Last Name” Megaton knows a thing or two about taking a dump all over the action movie cutting room floor. Dude’s given us Colombiana (27%) and Transporter 2 (36%), but my man may have outdone himself this time around. Megaton, along with “writers” Luc Besson (Lockout-37%) and Robert Mark Kamen (The Karate Kid-67%**) took the script for Taken down to the old photocopier, hit “3” (so they all had one to read and copy), went back to their offices, scribbled a change here and there (uzi instead of pistol, wife and daughter get snatched, Istanbul as a setting, etc) and handed that bad boy in. Boom, movie time.
**Jaden Smith’s version of Daniel Laruso, this flick was basically a copy of the original, just replacing Cali with China and switching up the race of the kid lead. Kamen makes his bones holding down Control+C, Control+V.
So what we are left with is Neeson killing his way through another (or the same) criminal organization to get back his family members. See? My dad’s not the only repetitive guy around. The Rotten Watch for Taken 2 is
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