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In 1894 Labor Day became a federal holiday and official end of the summer. Many folks take the weekend to drink beer, eat hamburgers and wear white for the last time until May. But not This Rotten Week. These offices are open every Sunday, holiday weekend or not. This week we’ve got Bradley Cooper copying words and Henry Cavill walking out into the light of day.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
There have been a number of high profile cases of plagiarism over the years and a big one recently (I’m looking at you Jonah Lehrer), but none more hard-hitting and controversial than when Nate Harvey and I photocopied the encyclopedia (remember those?) entry for LSD ten minutes before class and read it as our report for senior year Psychology. Got an A. I mean really, were we going to do any better than the good folks over at World Book? I think not. Wasn’t high school the best?
So I can really feel Bradley Cooper’s (Limitless-69%) pain here as he plays a struggling writer trying to publish a novel. And he’s got a good news/ bad news thing working for him that only happens in movies. Bad news: his writing sucks and he’s broke. Good news: his wife (Zoe Saldana) is world-class hot and wants to stay with a talentless and penniless (yet also hot) dude. It’s a time-honored movie scenario. But Cooper’s world changes when he finds an old ‘bro’s (Jeremy Irons) manuscript and copies it. The new book? Spec-f@#$ing-tacular of course.
First time directors Brian Klugman and Lee Sternthal (both helped pen Tron: Legacy-50%) would love to have The Words be an artistic look at the trappings of success and the pressure to gain footing in a literary world. But it doesn’t appear critics feel the same way. A few early reviews, including some from Sundance, have it trending a bit negative. There are a some positives pointed out but, as a whole, the film doesn’t hold up completely over the entire narrative. As more critics feast their eyes on the super hot cast muddying their way through a possibly overdone whole, some may enjoy it, but the score won’t crack the fifty percent mark. The Rotten Watch for The Words is 38%
The Cold Light of Day
If action movie rules can be taken as absolute and undeniable truths (and there’s no reason to think they shouldn’t), then know this: if your mother or father appear to work some lame, pencil-pushing job for Uncle Sam, the reality is they are high level CIA operatives with countless killing and spying skills. And watch your back, because they’ve developed some enemies over the years.
So goes The Cold Light of Day, a movie high on casting, low on (it appears) everything else. Henry Cavill finds out his pops (Bruce Willis), isn’t actually a business consultant, but in fact a dude with a brief case who people enjoy kidnapping and/or shooting at. And you know what? It’s kind of f@#$ing up Cavill’s trip to Spain thank you very much. Now he’s forced to run through parking garages, meet arbitrary bad guy time limits, jump off buildings, employ hot Spanish women as sidekicks, take a few lumps while tied to the oft-used bad guy metal interrogation chair and endure ridiculous taglines like “Instinct is his only weapon”.
Unfortunately, director Mabrouk El Mechri’s (the surprising JCVD (Van Dammage)-87%) movie saw the...wait for it...cold light of day (Boom!) and critics hate this piece of garbage. Can you blame them? It looks like a flick sent off the action film conveyor belt with a few recognizable faces thrown in to boost a ticket sale or two. It may get a mid week bump, but all in all this thing will stay in the gutter. The Rotten Watch for The Cold Light of Day is
Which Rotten movie will have the highest final Tomatometer score?
Recapping last week:
Oh so close. I had a bit of a head start on Lawless (Predicted: 78% Actual: 65%) going in and had to pick a direction the reviews would take over the long haul. I chose wrong and just missed on getting the prediction under ten percent. Over time this might get me into the winner’s circle (like ten more positive reviews with no negatives, which is a tall order), but right now it ain’t looking good. Maybe if they had titled it better I’d have a winning prediction on my hands. Otherwise, it’s a narrow miss.
Meanwhile, The Possession (Predicted: 29% Actual: 37%) was a winning prediction. I came up on my score right at press time and it paid off getting me within ten percent. It’s a been a rough summer and we needed this.
Next time around the Umbrella Corporation is back. It’s going to be a Rotten Week!
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