Shark Night 3D: It's Snakes On A Plane Underwater?
As if to dash all of our hopes that bad 3D would cease after Clash of the Titans, David R. Ellis has taken it upon himself to steer Shark Night 3D directly into a barrier reef where it will surely sink and be forgotten about. Deadline announced today that yes, this film is in fact being made and it has $28 million to play with.
The "film" was written by Jesse Studenberg and Will Hayes who have done such a good job keeping their careers secret that IMDB has no clue who they are. Adding even more names that will undoubtedly wreck this ship is Texas Chainsaw Massacre producer Mike Fleiss who will shepherd Shark Night 3D along with Chris Briggs and Lynette Howell at his sides.
Ellis directed Snakes on a Plane so based on that you just might be able to accept that this movie will feed film goers' thirst for unchecked camp... until this. The filmmakers are hoping this will be Jaws for the 3D generation.
Let's get a few things straight: Number one, pandering specifically to that generation is a blatant grab at our wallets. We, the educated few, will not be fooled by your claims of "visual enhancement." Number two, how can you ever expect anyone to take a movie called Shark Night 3D seriously? And number three, Jaws will never be recreated, especially in today's world. Jaws is Jaws and presuming you can make anything as socially and cinematically viable as Jaws just makes you look like a big fat asshole who sits around all day eating freedom fries in his underwear.
This is about as exciting as the Heidi Montag shark attack 3D comedy. No one cares, so please kindly get the fuck off my front lawn.
Now, if it were called Shark Knight 3D I'd be singing a different tune entirely.
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