Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Motion Posters Have Arrived

By Gabe Toro 5 months agodiscussion comments
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We're about a month away from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which means the ad campaign is about to head into overdrive. Goody. The Platinum Dunes-produced remake (ack, those words need to stop being in the same sentence) was always an inevitability, so we all should have expected the corresponding ads to tip the scales of insanely busy obnoxiousness. In case you thought otherwise, here are some brand new motion posters! Oh, motion posters, the sonnet of the 21st century.

Complex has the debut of the motion poster above, showcasing Raphael. Because it is a contemporary movie made by people who became wealthy making bad movies (specifically Jonathan Liebesman, of Wrath Of The Titans fame), Raphael is a big screaming blur who fights some of the Foot Clan, pushes a giant fan, then slide down an avalanche and into a car in "awesome" slow motion. Or, if you're not paying super close attention, a studio is showing you a closeup of a giant green booger followed by the title of a show and comic that generates nostalgia in hopes of prying ten bucks from your pocket.



From Facebook , and amusingly posted with no comment on Megan Fox's account, is a clip of Michelangelo. This is the tubular party animal of the Turtles, and here he's operating some rocket-controlled skateboard over a truck, and instead of fun and magical, it's shot uncomfortably close because intensely invasive images are mega-edgy, and this movie is all about edge! Or if you're not paying super close attention, a studio is showing you a closeup of a giant green booger followed by the title of a show and comic that generates nostalgia in hopes of prying ten bucks from your pocket.



IGN brings viewers this glimpse of Leonardo, who, like the other Turtles, is something of a ping pong ball, bouncing everywhere. This is a good time to point out that these huge-seeming renditions of the Turtles, who seem to get thrown around constantly and land everywhere with a showy thump, aren't really great ninjas at all. Maybe martial artists, but ninjas need stealth, and ain't no stealth going on here. At least Leo gets a showy character shot here. Or if you're not paying super close attention, a studio is showing you a closeup of a giant green booger followed by the title of a show and comic that generates nostalgia in hopes of prying ten bucks from your pocket.



Finally, from Mashable, here's gizmo expert Donatello twirling his bo staff around and taking on a bunch of Foot Soldiers with a couple of handy gizmos - because the pervasive dark visual scheme of this film doesn't make it incomprehensible enough. You can sort of tell there's a bad guy being flung into a wall, hard (and realistic) enough to convince you he's now got brain damage. Or if you're not paying super close attention, a studio is showing you a closeup of a giant green booger followed by the title of a show and comic that generates nostalgia in hopes of prying ten bucks from your pocket.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles opens August 8th. Run.
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