Don't fret, dear reader. This is just a spoof. Our apologies if the title gave you a mild heart attack by tricking you into thinking there'd be another story of an underprivileged sports savant driven by a hopelessly sassy Sandra Bullock. Alas, this is just a joke, but a damn good one.

MAD TV alum Arden Myrin gives Bullock a run for her money as she takes in a homeless white guy and guides him to the pros. He eventually becomes the man who recovered the famous onside kick that arguably won New Orleans the Super Bowl.

Coming from the Ask a Ninja crew, you can expect to be laughing pretty much the whole time at their god given talent for the ridiculous. Check the video out below, and pay close attention to the title cards for some particularly “going-to-hell” worthy laughs.