America’s Homeland Security Department recently retired the terror alert system which frightened, confused, and eventually was utterly ignored by our nation. I’m still not really sure what we were supposed to do when they fired Threat Level Yellow off. Luckily they’re replacing the confusing system of fear-mongering with something everyone can understand. We may not know what a bunch of vague colors mean, but we all know Nic Cage movies.

Earlier this week Conan unveiled Homeland Security’s new Nicholas Cage Terror Alert system, in which they plan to notify the country of just how afraid we should be by firing off the appropriate Nic Cage movie. Our nation’s security is a lot like Nic Cage movies. Most of the time things are “Ok”, but every once in awhile things are so awful you cannot believe it. Let’s just hope and pray that in our lifetimes, we never reach the Wicker Man threat level. Not the bees!

Conan explains:

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