America’s most air-headed awards ceremony celebrated 33 years of irrelevance tonight. As if to excuse its stupidity, they call it the People’s Choice Awards, but that’s kind of like calling “Star Magazine” a periodical. The People’s Choice is not an award, but a carefully scripted and controlled popularity contest. It’s the National Enquirer of end of year awards. It means nothing.
So, here’s the full list of people who won absolutely nothing this year. The categories are as vague as the reason for the winners winning. There’s no explaining any of it. You might as well total up the year’s box office receipts to get the movie winners. The results would be pretty much the same.
People’s Choice Movie Winners Favorite Female star: Jennifer Aniston
Favorite Male star: Johnny Depp
Favorite Leading lady: Cameron Diaz
Favorite Leading man: Vince Vaughn
Favorite Female action star: Halle Berry
Favorite Male action star: Johnny Depp
Favorite On-screen matchup: Johnny Depp & Keira Knightley
Favorite Movie: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest Favorite Movie drama: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest Favorite Movie comedy: Click Favorite Family movie: Cars
People’s Choice Music Winners Favorite Female singer: Carrie Underwood
Favorite Male singer: Kenny Chesney
Favorite Group: Nickelback
Favorite R&B song: "SexyBack" by Justin Timberlake
Favorite Hip-hop song: "Shake That" by Eminem
Favorite Pop song: "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira
Favorite Country song: "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood
Favorite Rock song: "Who Says You Can't Go Home" by Bon Jovi
Favorite Song from a movie: "Life is a Highway" by Rascal Flatts from "Cars"
Favorite Remake: "Life is a Highway" by Rascal Flatts
People’s Choice Whatever Awards Favorite Funny female star: Ellen DeGeneres
Favorite Funny male star: Robin Williams
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