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The Weekend BlendBy Josh Tyler: 2006-09-15 00:00:00
Forget about the money though, let’s look at which new releases are worth watching this weekend:  Sneak Previews 
The Guardian won't be out for two more weeks, but it's getting 797 single showing sneaks this Saturday. It's the story of a group of Coast Guard rescue swimmers. Ashton Kutcher stars as the raw trainee and Kevin Costner is his grizzled life-saving instructor. I saw it last week and was surprised that I didn't hate it, but that doesn't mean you should go out of your way to see it.
Limited Releases(Opening in fewer than 500 theaters.) 
Of the dozens of films opening in a handful of theaters, the most noteworthy are a campaign propaganda documentary Al Franken: God Spoke, a war documentary called The Ground Truth, Orlando Bloom's forbidden love in a foreign land movie Haven, and the scary as hell documentary about right-wing Christian kid-brainwashing Jesus Camp. Any one of them might be worth a look this weekend, but it's Artie Lange's Beer League that'll be opening on 164 screens and thus is the most likely new limited release playing near you. The film features Howard Stern's rum-soaked side kick in a movie about blue collar guys playing baseball with Ralph Maccio. Will it be funny? Are you drunk? Then yes.
Everyone's Hero (Opens in 2,896 theaters.) 
This is deceased Superman Christopher Reeve's dream project, the film he was working on right before he died. Everyone's Hero is a computer animated movie about a boy embarking on a perilous cross-country quest accompanied by obligatory off-the-wall sidekicks. Because this was Chris's passion, I'd like to be able to tell you it's getting raves, but so far the film's getting trashed critically, it's not really being advertised, and the trailers look really really bad. If you want to honor Chris Reeve, you might be better off waiting for the DVD to do so.
Gridiron Gang (Opens in 3,504 theaters.) 
Those who can't do, teach. But Dwayne Johnson can do so what's he doing teaching? Gridiron Gang casts The Rock as a correctional officer at a juvenile detention center who decides that the best path to rehabilitation for his charges is to make them play football. It's based on a true story, a story which Dwayne is clearly very passionate about, since his teenage years weren't exactly free from trouble with the law. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean it works as a movie. Critics hate it, and audiences would probably prefer to see the Rock hitting things himself, rather than teaching others to do it.
The Black Dahlia (Opens in 2,228 theaters.) 
It doesn't look like Black Dahlia is going to break director Brian De Palma's decades long streak of irrelevancy. It explores the mystery around the real life killing of a Hollywood starlet in 1947 with a fictionalized noir mystery. The reviews are bad and it's coming out on the heels of the critically acclaimed movie Hollywoodland, another film on the subject of real life celebrity homicide mysteries.
The Last Kiss (Opens in 1,357 theaters.)  
Zach Braff stars in a romantic comedy about a guy with commitment issues. Like every movie being released this week, the critical consensus hovers somewhere between really bad and mediocre. The trailers make it seem similar to Garden State, but where GS explores the problems with going home again Last Kiss tells the story of a guy coming to grips with turning 30. Braff's natural charm is always a good bet, even when paired with the worst script. Until he gets around to making his own movies again, this is your only way to get your fill of his strangely acerbic wit. Give The Last Kiss a smooch this weekend.
STILL IN THEATERS AND WORTH YOUR TIME: Invincible, Talladega Nights, Hollywoodland, Little Miss Sunshine
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September 16th, 2006 at 19:46
HUGE NEWS for Artie Lange Fans around the country!!!
Initial reports from sources both inside of Hollywood, as well as theatre owners in all three opening markets for "Artie Langes - Beer League" have confirmed that almost all of the Friday (9/15) early showings have completely SOLD-OUT.
Why is this important, to anyone other than Artie?
Simple, Beer League has been scheduled for release in only three markets :
New York/Philadelphia/Cleveland.
The distributors of the film will go to nation-wide release if ticket sales of over $1,00,000
are achieved in the opening limited release weekend.
As stated earlier, initial reports have confirmed that this film is tracking to be the surprise "Smash Hit" of the year. Sources at theatres showing Beer League, were "completely taken by surprise", one theatre executive expects the film to surpass the million dollar mark by Saturday evening. This would ensure national release and continue to drive the success of Artie Lange and the Howard Stern family.
An anonymous source went so far as to say "This film is Animal House for the next generation, total ticket sales may even surpass the incredible success of Howard Sterns 1997 monster hit "Private Parts".
As unlikely as this may seem for a low budget movie, like Beer League, early online ticket sales are pushing many theatres to add showings on the fly, this is normally only the case for films such as "star Wars" or "pirates of the Caribbean". Could it be that Artie Lange will be the next HOT A-List leading man? Anything is possible, when your dealing with the world of "The King of All Media" Howard Stern.
And as fan....I wish you luck, Artie
Don't die before your time, you fat bastard.
PRESS RELEASE