The Weekend Blend

By Joshua Tyler: 2005-03-24 00:00:00

3/25 – 3/27 New movies come out each weekend; come here to find out which movie shamefully ties up and gags the greatness of William Shatner. Two new wide releases this weekend, with an odd and interesting group of limiteds worth mentioning. Keep reading to find out how you should spend your movie going weekend:

Misc. Limited Releases
(Opening on fewer than 500 screens.)

An incestuous and strange coming of age story, The Ballad of Jack and Rose opens in four theaters this weekend, to creep people the heck out. It ought to play wonderfully in the artiest of art houses, but likely not much beyond that. Also opening on four screens is Oldboy, the Korean vengeance pic that holds nothing back in torturing, destroying, and breaking down its dumpy lead character. It’s more than a little overrated, and sags in the middle, but the movie’s punch in the gut, shocking, pain streaked ending makes it the sort of thing you won’t want to miss. The week’s widest not-so-wide release though is a bizarre movie called D.E.B.S. opening on 45 screens, which probably means New York, LA, and a couple of other larger cities. It’s the story of incredibly hot girls in short short plaid skirts fighting smolderingly beautiful lesbian super-crime. Sounds like it belongs on Skinimax, but god bless them if they think it can do something in the theater. Is it campy or just plain sex? Just an excuse to see Jordana Brewster in as few clothes as possible or is there something more here? For many of you, this will be a movie not to miss. It may however be wise not to admit it.

Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
(Opens 3/24 on 3183 screens.)

Sandra Bullock returns in the sequel to a movie everyone forgot four years ago. She’s a cop, but a bitchy pretty one. That pretty much sums up the premise of this outing. Even the presence of the Great One William Shatner can’t save it, since they’ve bound, gagged, and left him in the corner. Rather than my usual well-reasoned argument laying out exactly why you shouldn’t see this movie, I thought I’d present a list of things more enjoyable than seeing Miss Congeniality 2. Here’s a few I’d rather do: Star in a movie directed by Uwe Boll, live next door to Paris Hilton, be related to Access Hollywood’s Pat O’Brian, discuss politics on the CB Forum, declare my love of xXx to hundreds of thousands of readers, admit it – Ashton Kutcher – brilliant actor, be David Letterman’s next handyman, drive a Hum-Vee in New York at current gas prices, smell Brittney Spears’ feet, dye my dog pink and celebrate Easter, Jason Muzie.

Guess Who
(Opens on 3147 screens.)

I’m not going to call Ashton brilliant here, but he’s a serviceable enough part to jam in across from the supreme talent of Bernie Mac in this racially charged version of Meet the Parents. It rips off just about every film of similar notion ever made, for instance you’ll find more than one element of Father of the Bride mixed in here. But Bernie Mac has a sort of lovable, funny, gruff fatherly quality that makes him irresistible, a worthy successor to pop culture fathers like Bill Cosby and Steve Martin. While the movie’s jokes aren’t always first rate, it also deserves some credit for mixing in a few well handled, serious racial issues without any of the lame, worn out stereotypes common in just about any movie that puts black and white people together for comedic effect. Having a Sidney Poitier role remade by Ashton Kutcher may be a punch in the gut for some, but Guess Who is a fun, responsible, family relationship comedy. It’s worth a look.

Still In Theaters and Worth Your Time: Million Dollar Baby, Be Cool, Hostage

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