This week the Rotten Watch has it's hands full with the good, the bad and a bunch of owls flying all over the place. Gordon Gekko makes a glorious return to Wall Street just in time to see the whole thing turn into a big turd sandwich. Meanwhile Kristen Bell revisits her high school days when she was somehow a huge nerd and ugly. That seems likely. And finally we find out the Guardians are just the owl version of the A-Team. If you can find them, they'll help you.
Here's what This Rotten Week has to offer.
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps |
No matter how good this movie is or isn't, I have to say, this is one of the worst movie titles of all time. Money Never Sleeps? This title is completely laughable. It's almost hard to get past. Some other comparable titles could have been Wall Street: It's Raining Money, or Wall Street: Money's Always Greener on the Other Side. See what I mean?
I digress, Gordon Gekko is out of jail and Shia LaBeouf is there to greet the old, bastard on the edge of the financial meltdown. It's a concept that would have played a little better about two years ago, but now we're fully in the Not-So-Great Depression and I just don't know how much people want to see Wall Street movers and shakers talking about all the money that's out there and living off the spoils of the open market.
There was a time when an Ollie Stone movie meant fireworks going off in Hollywood. But he's been less than spectacular of late as W (60%) and Alexander (16%, yikes) weren't exactly Scarface, Platoon or Born on the Fourth of July. Some early reviews are in and I think we'll get a movie that'll trend higher than 50%, but won't get the conspiracy director close to his 1980's and 90's superstardom. The Rotten Watch for Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (hurts to even type) is 63%
You Again |
What do you think goes through some screenwriters' minds? Do you think ridiculous ideas are formed daily, and the reasonable part of their brains can't delineate between the real good stuff and the completely ridiculous crap? You Again seems like a classic example of a kernel of a decent idea getting mixed in with a bunch of ludicrous other thoughts and turning into an awful looking movie.
Follow me if you will. Kristen Bell's brother is getting married to the girl who tortured Bell during high school. Bell wants to show everyone what a bitch this chick was, and still is. Hilarity ensues. That on its own isn't a terrible concept (it's not really a good one either, but hey, this is Hollywood). But then we find out that Bell's mother, Sigourney Weaver, was also rivals with Bell's rival's mother in high school (follow me?) so now both mother and daughter face off against their mortal enemies. I'm exhausted.
So we take an inane concept, chuck inept director Any Fickman (Race to Witch Mountain 42%, The Game Plan 27%) behind the camera and what comes out will probably be as ridiculous as it seems. But at least Betty White makes an appearance. The Rotten Watch for You Again is 38%.
Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole|
Another week, another animated movie. Last week it was about wolves. This week it's owls. Next week? Kangaroos maybe? Koalas? Who knows. Enough with the animated stuff Hollywood.
Legend of the Guardians is based on the book series of the same name. Director Zack Snyder (The Watchmen, 300) takes a little bit of a career turn unless of course this flick just has these owls getting real, real bloody and violent. But from the trailer it mostly looks like the birds fly around through rain and snow. Then they fly through fire. Then they're flying in slow motion. Then they speed up a bit. Then they fly some more. And a really uplifting song plays in the background. Then there's more flying. I think that sums up the movie fairly well.
Snyder's directorial run has some big titles but he's by no means an automatic fresh rating. His average tomatometer score sits in the mid 60's and this animated thing is new ground for the guy. That makes Legend of the Guardians tough to get excited about. I'm splitting this score down the middle. The Rotten Watch for Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole is 50%.
Which Rotten movie will have the highest final Tomatometer score?
Recapping last week
: Be happy for Ben Affleck. Typically I don't care about celebrities (they don't care about me you know?) but for some reason I am so glad The Town
(Predicted 77% Actual 93%) was even better than expected. Affleck gets a clear win.
Meanwhile Easy A
(Predicted 63% Actual 85%) also exceeded expectations by a healthy degree. 85% is incredibly high for any movie. For a comedy, it's through the roof.
On the other side of the spectrum, The Rotten Watch nailed Devil
(Predicted 47% Actual 41%) meaning producer M. Night Shymalan will be hanging around just a little bit longer, whether we like it or not. And finally, Alpha and Omega
(Predicted 37% Actual 15%) sucked bad.
Next week is an exciting one for the Rotten Watch as we get reintroduced to Facebook, talk about a kiddie vampire and remember that Renee Zellweger is still hanging around Hollywood. It's going to be a Rotten Week!