Stressing over who will host the Oscars has always seemed to me like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. No matter who hosts, whether its hip-with-the-kids Jon Stewart or 90s artifact Whoopi Goldberg, the ratings are never affected. This year especially seems likely to be host-proof, especially if The Dark Knight scores enough nominations to get people to actually start watching again.

So I guess it's time for the producers to start gambling with hosts, now that nobody is looking. Deadline Hollywood is reporting that this year's Oscar host could be announced as early as next Tuesday, and will not be a TV personality or a stand-up comedian. That rules out pretty much everyone who has hosted in recent years-- Stewart, Whoopi, Ellen, Steve Martin, Chris Rock, Billy Crystal or even David Letterman. In fact, you have to go all the way back to 1986, when Chevy Chase, Goldie Hawn and Paul Hogan all co-hosted, to find a host without a history of standing in front of a microphone and making jokes for laughs.

So who on earth will it be? Finke says the host is part of the movie business, which narrows it down to a comedian (probably) who works in movies but didn't start in stand-up and isn't on TV either. Seth Rogen? Probably too awkward. Robert Downey Jr.? Probably nominated-- that'd be weird. I'm drawing a blank for other possibilities, but I'm sure you fine readers have some suggestions. Have at it!