Many people have called me many things in my time... punctual will never be one of them. Seriously, I feel like Peter Parker at the start of Spider-Man 2. Everyone from Josh to my real-life boss to my dentist this week has berated me for running late. Hell I was even late for my screening of Hellboy this week and missed the previews, an essential part of my filmgoing experience. Why am I always late? Is it because secretly I am in fact The Kilted Avenger and am too busy with my superhero commitments to juggle all my responsibilities. Or is it just because I'm a severely disorganised trademark batchelor. Take your pick.

Anyway, to apologise for taking more vacation time than a corporate boss who designs Service Packs that do more harm than good then do even more harm if you try and remove them I am gracing you with a double dose of preview goodness.

No boobies this week though. If you find trailers with boobies you'd like to see in Trailer Trash do not hesistate to email me.

Coming soon to a theatre near you...

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Team America: World Police
Released: 15th October 2004

If there's one thing you can guarantee it's that political correctness is always bottom of Trey Stone and Matt Parker's agenda. The Bush Administration has publicly denounced it before seeing it. Which means there's a very good chance we'll all love it. If you're a fan of the REAL Thunderbirds and not some Spy Kids knock-off, this is the movie for you.

Click here to watch it...

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Abominable
Released: TBC

WOOKIES ON THE RAMPAGE!!!! Is what this trailer suggests and is what that some guy in a beard who used to be George Lucas promises us in Revenge Of The Sith. On reflection though this may be a little less WOOKIE RAGE and more Harry and the Hendersons Get PMS.

Click here to watch it...

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Grand Champion
Released: 24th August 2004 (Limited)

Every day I get closer to God. Not because I'm a religious man, you understand, but because every day he seems to bless me with another reason to laugh at the US of A. The trailer for Grand Champion is like a porn flick for farmyard animals. Lots of pretty shots of cow bootay and even a guy in a questionable mustache. Quite why anyone would want to watch a documentary on crazy suth'ners doing crazy suth'n stuff like Best in Show for swine maybe beyond a meagre Scotsman like myself. But then again, we eat haggis which is basically the guts of what these guys are grooming... so what do I know!

Click here to watch it...

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The Incredibles
Released: 5th November 2004

I'm pretty sure that it's physically impossible for Pixar to do wrong? When your biggest flop is A Bug's Life, it must be rough. Anyway, The Incredibles is shaping up to be some more great fun. I'll pay good money to see Samuel L. Jackson as a badass superhero any day, especially considering Mace Windu is a bit of a chump - "WOMAN, YOU GIVE ME MY SUPER-SUIT!"

Click here to watch it...

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Elecktra
Released: 14th January 2005

I still haven't seen Daredevil. The lure of Ben Affleck in leather is somehow just not appealing to me. The lure of Jennifer Garner in leather on the other hand is a different matter. The only problem here is that everything in the trailer looks kinda generic. I hope we aren't landed with another Catwoman - or at least if we are, then give us a movie where I can actually lust over Jennifer in leather and not some sweaty italian male midget stunt double or a badly rendered CGI incarnation of Ms Garner. Expect to see Jason Muzie at as many screenings as his employment schedule will allow.

Click here to watch it...

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After The Apocalypse
Released: TBC

For my final trailer this evening I decided to present you with the complete antithesis of gratuitous boobies - pretentious indie crap. After the Apocalypse is some indie movie about the aftermath of World War III (again) where a group of survivors band together but can't speak to each - not because of some ingenious plot device but because that might make it too close to a Hollywood movie and therefore endanger the movie's ability to play in art-house theatres. As a back up everything is in black & white - the choice of a true "artist". Enjoy thirty seconds of a man drinking water loudly...

Click here to watch it...

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