As the site’s resident Vin Diesel apologist, let me just say this right off the bat: Vin, you’re running out of road. Even I’m getting a little sick of you.

Vin’s next project has been announced, and the bald-headed duck lover is going to the dogs. Nuclear dogs! He’ll be starring in The Retriever, which is thankfully not a love story between a man and an Irish Setter, but something almost as terrible. Vin is playing a one man army bent on saving the world from nuclear apocalypse. Now that might be cool if it actually were an army composed entirely of Vin Diesel’s, but I’m just going to assume that means he’s one really kickass guy. Because we’ve seen that before and Vin doesn’t seem to be much for originality anymore.

What’s kind of sickening is that his last film, The Pacifier gets to tote around the label of “one of the biggest hits of the year”. The guy has Hollywood clout, why not use it to make something better than this? Nuclear scares went out with the eighties. Try fighting terrorism or Uwe Boll. That’s a little more relevant.

And now a random fact about Vin Diesel: “Vin Diesel is harmful to radiation.”