Have you ever been a theme party in which every single person just went for it, to the point where the theme defined the entire night? Maybe it was a black and white party and not one single person cheated on color. Maybe it was a Nickelodeon character party and hours and hours were put into every costume. Well, don’t expect the upcoming Oscars to be one of those parties. The Academy just announced this year’s theme and well, hold on a second while I go take a nap.

"Movie Heroes". That’s what the powers that be have decided to go with, which could have potentially worked except, the Academy’s definition of a hero apparently includes anyone who isn’t Auric Goldfinger. Seriously, the theme will be hammered home by an exhibit at the Grand Lobby Gallery of Beverly Hills and include 70 still photographs and posters from films that supposedly have heroes. Let me just hit you with an incomplete list of titles as included in the official press release posted by Deadline: Seven Samurai, Superman, Shrek, Grapes Of Wrath, To Kill A Mockingbird and Gandhi. So, those all fit together, I guess. Maybe they'll add in Zoolander and Rocky IV later.

It’s not the Academy’s fault though. Well, at least it’s not really the Academy’s fault. Everyone is so obsessed with timeless elegance and red carpet dresses that there’s really no way you can execute a theme that isn’t aggressively generic and practically all-encompassing. That being said, if the decision makers could somehow announce it six months in advance and get everyone to commit to like a 1940s Hollywood theme or something, that would be fan-freaking-tastic. Guaranteed Red Carpet viewership would double, and the ceremony itself would probably jump up a few points in the ratings. After all, who wouldn’t want to see Sandra Bullock rock something like this? I know I would.

We’re still a day away from the official Academy Award nominations, but given all the events that have already come, those in contention should be well aware they may get a phone call tomorrow morning. Luckily for the big winners, they’re obviously free to pick out whatever the hell kind of dress or suit they want to wear because "movie heroes".

Maybe this year for my birthday I’ll send around a card letting everyone know the theme is "birthday!" or maybe "fun!". Those’ll really narrow the focus enough.

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