Why You Should Watch Bad Santa On Christmas
Bad Santa contains 173 usages of the word ďfuckĒ. A few of these f-words are used by Lauren Graham in ecstasy, as she writhes in pleasure atop a red-suited Billy Bob Thornton moaning ďfuck me Santa, fuck me Santa, fuck me SantaĒ in rhythm to his thrusts. Some of the time itís used by Tony Cox as elfin-eared Marcus, arguing endlessly with his useless, drunken, partner in the only way he could possibly understand. Occasionally itís shouted by Bernie Mac, as he shakes down kids at the Gamestop or eats fruit with his cowboy boots propped up on his desk. Itís never said by John Ritter, playing a manager so paralyzed by political correctness, heís unable even to decide if itís right for his newly hired mall Santa to fornicate with large women in the plus-size dressing room. When Willieís through with them, they ainít gonna shit right for a week. But most of the time, at least 100 of those 173 times, the word is said by Billy Bob Thorntonís Willie who, is usually too drunk to bother saying anything else.
We get hints of what Willie was like before he began spending his Christmases plotting robberies while disguised as an eating, drinking, shitting, fucking Santy Claus, and he wasnít any better than the man he is now. Itís safe to assume that Willie has always lived his life by the three Bs (thatís booze, bullshit, and butt-fucking). Director Terry Zwigoffís masterpiece of depravity captures Willie at a crossroads. Heíll either turn things around or kill himself. The world would probably be a better place if he killed himself, but Willie is such a loser he canít even pull that off, so Bad Santa is about him turning it all around. Well, sort of. Willieís big breakthrough happens when he beats up a bunch of kids. The thing is, he beat them up for a purpose.
Willieís never really done anything for a purpose before. He wanders through life simply taking whateverís there to grab, leering at whatever there is to be leered at, drinking whatever there is to drink. The notion of actually having a reason for doing the things that heís done seems like a revelation to Willie. Not that itíll change him all that much really. To say the filmís about him turning it around was giving him too much credit. Iím pretty sure Willieís soul is dogshit and besides, this isnít that kind of Christmas movie.
Instead this is a dark and disturbed Christmas comedy for everyone whoís sick of being forced to listen to some lounge-singer version of jingle bells when they walk through the grocery store. This is not a movie for the broad-shouldered, ruddy-cheeked checkout girl who, when asked whether sheís sick of being stuck there and forced to listen to all that Christmas music responds enthusiastically, ďoh I love it I have it tuned in on the radio in my car and at home too.Ē This is the Christmas movie to watch when you just canít fucking take this holiday anymore. Itís the movie to watch when the kids are tucked away in bed, with sugarplums dancing in their heads, and you need relief from all this giving and holiday spirit brainwashing, but have unfortunately just run out of scotch and discover the liquor store is closed on Christmas. Bad Santa will have to do, in a pinch.
Go here for less offensive Christmas viewing ideas.
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