I'm no fan of Michael Bay's Transformers movies. In fact, I'd go so far as to say I'm an opponent of Michael Bay's Transformers movies, sent back from the future to prevent mankind's destruction via rock-stupid summer blockbusters. Still, while I may decry the Transformers films for dry-humping the lowest common denominator, there's no question that they're damned impressive from a visual standpoint. If only there was a way to compress their appeal to their most potent core, where you could get assaulted by the visuals without having to worry at all about plot or characters or any of that Bay-extraneous stuff. Some way to reach the Platonic ideal of the Transformers experience...

I've got it! You could turn it into a theme-park ride! It's already more ride than movie as it is, so why not take the next step and trim it down into a few perfect minutes of pure, undiluted robotic assault on the senses? That's just what they've done with the upcoming Transformers: The Ride 3D, set to open at Universal Studios Hollywood in May of 2012. Created by the same folks who previously made Spider-Man and King Kong rides, Transformers: The Ride tosses hapless participants smack-dab into the middle of the robot apocalypse. Here's the teaser trailer.