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news:blended 10.6 - 10.12By Ed Perkis: 2007-10-12 12:13:37
 Are women being kicked out of Hollywood? Is Eric Bana as scary as Ricardo Montalban? If your English teacher looked like Nicole Kidman, would you ever ditch? Is a movie about a football player with an illegitimate child really that much of a stretch? For answers to those and many other questions you’ve never asked, check out this week’s movie news. SATURDAY Go Go Gadget Stripper! The New York Film Festival continues to monopolize Katey Rich’s time as she watches movies and attends press conferences in the Big Apple. The week is littered with her reviews and interviews with the movers and shakers at the festival. The closest thing to being there without buying a ticket, to adopt a cliché. SUNDAY MMORPG gets MOVIE. Moviegoers love The Rock and his crappy movie. The godfather of all online role playing games, EverQuest, may finally hit the big screen. That makes me wonder if the time for this adaptation has already come and gone. Not to mention that it’s a scientific fact that any movie based on a computer or video game is terrible. Not quite as terrible as The Game Plan. That movie hit the top of the box office chart despite being the worst movie ever made, or at least a pretty bad one. MONDAY Josh compares possible Doctor Who movie to both Britney and OJ. Kidman and Roberts pretend to be plain and poor. Someone at the BBC said that he wouldn’t rule out a movie based on the TV show Dr. Who. That got everyone saying that one was definite and it would come out next week. Josh doesn’t think so and also is pretty sure OJ killed Nicole. Not Nicole Kidman though, since if he had, she wouldn’t be able to pretend to be a teacher on a budget holiday in Europe. Julia Roberts might pretend to be one also. If they were teachers, would Van Halen come play their school? TUESDAY Raunch comedies ranked by horndogs. Patrick Swayze is still acting…really. The CB writing staff ranked the best Rauch Comedies of all time. That was good news for Judd Apatow, since he came off very well. Plus he has all those millions, but I like to think our list is also important to him. Perhaps Patrick Swayze will also show up on a list someday. He’s going to be in a Christmas movie with Chris Kattan. I’m sure it will be as good as it sounds. WEDNESDAY Bana is the new Kahn. Matthew Vaughn craps on Brett Ratner. Joining the distinguished list of actors who take on the crew of the Enterprise and fail miserably, Eric Bana will be the bad guy, Nero in J.J. Abrams Star Trek movie. No word yet on what will have crawled up Nero’s butt and died, leading him to get on Kirk and the boys. Maybe it was the same thing that crawled up Matthew Vaughn’s butt. The original X-Men 3 director says he would have made a way better movie than the one turned out by Brett Ratner. Everyone knows that’s true, but no one expected him to say it. Hopefully Ratner will respond with the only true thing he can say about the comments: “he has a good point.” THURSDAY All movies will now star men or robots. Affleck says Hollywood sucks. Thursday was a bad day for Hollywood. First the status, or lack thereof, of women leads was scrutinized. Anytime Hollywood gets scrutinized about anything, it usually takes it in the shorts. Then Ben Affleck said that Hollywood was shallow and turns you into a bad person. Gee, no shit Ben? Thanks for that insight. FRIDAY Asian cast as Sulu. The Hot Fuzz guy is Scotty….really. The Star Trek casting is now coming fast and furious. Like a man with two fists punching quickly. First Simon Pegg was announced as Scotty. If you held a gun to my head and gave me a hundred years to name people to play Scotty I would never have chosen him. Of course, after about 2 weeks I would be dead from malnutrition anyway. Then John Cho was named as Sulu. George Takei must be rolling over in his grave. I know he’s technically alive, but he did die on television recently. That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
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