Megan Fox Attached To Candy Girl's Body

By Josh Tyler 2007-10-23 03:31:52discussion comments
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People are starting to obsess over Megan Foxís hotness the way they used to claw their way through magazines looking for Pamela Anderson. I just donít get it. Sure sheís kind of sexy, if excessive plastic surgery is your thing. She looks like she popped out of a polystyrene mold somewhere in Hugh Heffnerís basement. Itís not for me.

For those of you who do like the six million dollar woman type hereís some good news: Fox Atomic has cast her as the lead in their new supernatural thriller Jenniferís Body. Itís not good news because the movie will be great or anything, but because itís Fox Atomic and they donít really have any morals. Fox has shunted those off into their religion division over at Fox Faith. No, thatís not a joke.

So I expect exposed things from Jenniferís Body and the things being exposed will hopefully, for all you drooling dudes, will be Meganís. Not that youíre likely to get nudity, but expect plenty of belly shirts and bra shots. Thatís just how Fox Atomic rolls.

The movie is a horror comedy being described as a cross between Heathers and Beetlejuice. Itís about a too perfect cheerleader who becomes possessed and starts killing the boys in her town. Her best friend must try to stop her hellish reign of terror. No word on whether Fox is the killer cheerleader or the uptight best friend who wonít let her get her jollies by bathing in blood.

Itís written by Diablo Cody, aka Brook Busey-Hunt, who wrote a book called ďCandy GirlĒ. She also wrote Juno, which everyone says is quite good, but having read ďCandy GirlĒ I have a hard time believing it. Itís not that ďCandy GirlĒ is bad, after all itís her recounting of the year she spent as a stripper and that canít possibly be bad (hubba hubba), but itís written in a way that makes me think I could have written it, and my low self-esteem tells me that thus it cannot possibly be up to snuff. I guess what Iím saying is that while the content of her strip-o-diary is fascinating her writing style comes off like the sort of thing youíd find among us lousy, second-rate entertainment journalists who are marginally talented enough to turn out a mildly readable piece of shit like this but usually arenít talented enough to do anything more substantial like a book or a movie script. Thereís probably a reason for that, the entertainment beat has been her primary gigÖ when sheís not stripping or selling movie scripts.

Maybe I simply have a hard time believing anyone who does what I do can have any real societal relevance, but to me the really irritating (and simultaneously sexy) thing about Diablo and her auto-bio strip-off is that she seems to have deluded herself into thinking sheís some sort of nerd, even though sheís a super-hot, heavily tattooed, skinny rock chick who hangs out with cool people and goes to all the awesome parties. Hell, people call her Diablo. Awkward nerds do not go by the name Diablo! Names like that are reserved for people like Sting and for hipster girls who engage in stripping just because they think it might be fun. I enjoyed the book Diablo, and I think I may have a crush you in some primordial way (give me Diablo Cody over Megan Fox any day), but Iím not buying the whole awkward geek thing. I hate it when cool people try to pass themselves off as shy and pathetic geeks. It only makes us real losers seem even worse. Donít make it suck harder to be me Diablo.
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