Okay, so, a lot of you didn't see The Expendables 3 this weekend, and that's a pity. It's not because the movie's good (it isn't), it's not because the heroes of yesterday's movies need your support, and not because Sylvester Stallone is starving. Instead, it's because you missed out on a little history. Did you know there were a couple of gay Expendables? Specifically, a couple of hugely famous gay Expendables? GAY SPOILERS AHEAD!
That's assuming all the downloads occurred in America, which they absolutely didn't Ė the franchise has been much healthier internationally, with 72% of the second film's overall gross coming from foreign territories.
It's as much a pleasure for him to be unshackled onscreen as it is for us to see him again, years passed his prime, that spark still alive in his eyes. Naturally, the movie treats him similarly to the other legends onscreen, chucking him to the scrap heap three scenes later.
Looking to The Expendables 3, Let's Be Cops and Step Up All In for inspiration, we've pulled together a selection of classic Expendable cinema, kooky action comedies, and dazzling dance movies.
No need to fear? You might be right. Maybe Harrison Ford is beyond anxious to get back into the Millennium Falcon and bring one of his signature roles back to the big screen
But the fans just didn't show up to a film that added Wesley Snipes, Mel Gibson and Harrison Ford to the ever-growing roster of characters, three legends with serious box office pedigree. The formula seemed simple at the beginning, but it's clear from audience dissatisfaction that it's not working.
These movies so far have been overstuffed to the point of parody. The latest film tries to find space for two full Expendables teams, reducing Jet Li to a tiny cameo and four spoken lines, and he doesn't even throw any kicks. And Wesley Snipes seems like a selling point for the new movie, but after a major break-in that frees him, he and the rest of the Expendables are (temporarily!) fired and replaced by the new crew.
Iím not the first person to take the MPAA to task for its lax stance on violence versus language or nudity. Hopefully I wonít be the last. These arguments may sound like a broken record, but itís one worth playing Ė again and again Ė if disturbingly violent films like The Expendables 3 reach the marketplace with an audience-friendly PG-13 rating.
Iím a bit down in the dumps. Why? Iím now 36 hours removed from an ER visit after breaking my ankle while fighting crime (falling off a ladder). But I know something that can start the healing process! Talking about a few movies ought to do the trick. This week we get expendable, give, and become cops. And all the while I get to take my mind off a non-displaced fracture to the left fibula.
The idea of an "Expendabelles" movie has been floating around for a while now, but at the London premiere of The Expendables 3, Stallone suggested who he'd like to see star. None too surprisingly, he named Sigourney Weaver. However, how he suggests she'd fit into the franchise is a little less than inspiring.
Expendables 3's roster reads like a who's who of movie badasses from past and present, so why not show them all off with a little Sly swagger and explosions? Enter the brand new motion poster you see above.
So here's what we do. We lobby to eliminate PG-13. What this does is force the MPAA to look at content differently. That means, no more arbitrary rulings or beliefs about one breast versus two, one headshot versus five. Whatever they think is a movie for ďadultsĒ will earn an R-rating.
As some people on Twitter following ERC have pointed out, reducing an Expendables movie to PG-13 sort of goes against the point of these movies. The Expendables movies exist to see the greatest, most iconic action stars going balls-to-the-wall in escalatingly violent operas of blood and carnage. Right?
Pierce Brosnan used to be known as a man of action, but for a while he took a sabbatical to venture forth onto newer, greener pastures. It looks like the man's days of peace and quiet are over, as he's ready, willing, and able to become the newest Expendable.
The villain here is Mel Gibson's CONRAD STONEBANKS, which is a name that oddly only exists in ALL CAPS, and any lower case letters to type CONRAD STONEBANKS should be unacceptable and returned to sender.