The following is not a joke and by all accounts seems to be completely authentic: sixteen year old Nickelodeon star Jamie Lynn Spears is knocked-up. Britney’s little sister revealed the news exclusively to OK!, and the underage pregnancy story has been picked up by Perez Hilton. Can someone please test the water in the Spears household for a dangerous, slutty chemical?

The father has been reportedly named as Jamie’s live-in boyfriend Casey Aldridge. What the hell kind of parenting is that? You know what would happen if my blonde, underage daughter asked me if she could live with some douche? Well, I don’t know what would happen either, but she sure as hell wouldn’t be leaving the safe, abstinence-only confines of her room.

Check back with us in the next few days as more details of this sordid, pre-marital sex scandal heats up.