My God. In a desperate last ditch effort for attention, Britney Spears may be in talks to adopt a set of twin brothers. The six year old Chinese boys aren’t yet in the possession of the slutty train wreck, but she’s reportedly told friends talks are in the final stages with the adoption agency. This can’t be true. Can it?

According to News Of The World, the family expansion is all but a done deal. The website is also claiming Britney has shelled out over fifty-thousand into a funeral fund. I’m calling bullshit. The former Mrs. Federline is clearly stupid enough to endanger the lives of more children, but I can’t imagine any social worker would willingly hand over adolescents to this bloated bitch. Why not train the kiddies in competitive knife fighting, feed them generous helpings of transfat, and swap their tooth paste for anthrax?

Britney’s new album, Blackout, is currently idling on the Billboard charts and will more than likely disappear within a few weeks. What a shame. On the bright side, Britney never attended college; so, if she continues to gain weight, Notre Dame might want to look into suiting her up at offensive guard. Their line clearly needs help. No, Britney, that line is not white and powdery. Sorry for the confusion.