Goddamn Paul McCartney and his silly love songs. The sixty-six year old former Beatle is supposedly considering another wedding. His last one, as you may have heard, ended miserably with one-legged harlot Heather Mills--the only woman in history who could rightfully stake a claim to be admitted into Dante’s ninth circle of hell.

According to The Chicago Sun-Times, Sir. Paul has grown quite smitten with forty-seven year old New York socialite Nancy Shevell, the same Nancy who was once married to obscenely wealthy lawyer Bruce Blakeman. I miss Linda McCartney.

Unfortunately for all involved, Nancy is still legally married, which puts quite a damper on any possible wedding plans. She’s supposedly looking to finalize soon, which could pave the way for a third Mrs. McCartney. Don’t do it, Paul. Fly this woman around the world. Romance her. Have copious amounts of unprotected sex with her. But hold off on the ring, at least until you’ve known her for a few years.