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I hate that I am the kind of person who is fascinated by bizarre celebrity (and I use that word loosely) behavior, but I just can't help it. It's comforting in a "no matter how bad things may get, at least my life hasn't come to this" kind of way. The latest people I am giving the stink eye to are 51-year-old actor Doug Hutchison and his child bride Courtney Stodden, who was sixteen when they got married this past May. You know, at first I really didn't care. I mean, yeah it's gross, but stranger things have happened, right? However, the couple quickly started to publicly make fools of themselves, drawing me in completely. It's all in the interviews. Invariably, Doug will say things like "51 + 16 = love!" and Courtney will mostly just sit there looking medicated, sticking out her chest and throwing her head back, slurring the occasional inappropriate comment. It's Heaven for me.
Courtney and Doug have signed with Merv Griffin Entertainment and are currently in negotiations for a reality show, which I have been waiting for since I read their wedding announcement. Recently, though, they seemed to be fading out of the news a little bit, so of course Courtney had to do a nearly 30-minute interview with Radar Online to answer our burning questions! She said a bunch of ridiculous and wonderful things, such as "Obviously, I am not a slut. I am a beautiful Christian woman." True that!
When asked how Doug inspires her, Stodden replied, "Um, he's cooking for me, cleaning for me, he's like the wife around the house! Oh, I'm kidding! I'm kidding! I'm sorry baby! No, but he picks up the slack for me in the house and that's very inspiring. It's very motivating, let me tell you!" Courtney also claims the only thing she is interested in studying these days is Doug. "I would go to college and study all of Doug. All of his body, all of the elements within that, and what they do, and what they still do. It would be a lot of fun." You go girl! My personal favorite was when a "fan" referenced Courtney's utterly fantastic Twitter page (seriously, if you want some decent comedy click that link) and asked if she would like to write a book someday. Her response:
"Yes, I would love to do that. I have a lot of different endeavors within the books and you know, all that that I want to put together and inspire to do so. Doug and I are actually putting together certain um, beautiful love stories."
Ahh, so inspiring! The main quote from this interview that is circulating around the web, though, is Courtney's assessment of their wedding night: "I was aroused for 24 hours straight!" she said. People are understandably skeeved out by this. I would be too, if I thought it actually happened. The reason I can find this all so funny and not horrifying is because I'm about 99% sure the whole thing is a complete sham. One of my favorite past times is trying to figure out what celebrities are full of shit and which are just genuinely crazy. Hey, you have your hobbies, I have mine. For instance: Charlie Sheen? All an act. He's a genius. Mel Gibson? Genuinely mental. Courtney and Doug? Has to be fake. Has to be! I kind of wish they would just come clean, because I'm almost positive Courtney could have a successful career in comedy. She is doing a rather brilliant satire of a dumb, drugged up, desperate for fame Hollywood blonde (this is my favorite example of that). I honestly don't know what Doug's deal is. There is something wrong with him for sure, but I am not sure just exactly what it is yet. I mean, he had a pretty decent career as an actor before all of this. I guess it's just about money for him, but who knows. Clearly, I have most of this figured out, but I would like to know the whole truth, as if it actually matters.
If you can stand it, check out Radar Online's full interview with Courtney (including special appearances from Doug and their dog which has pink hair) here.
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