Eighties vixen and girlfriend-to-the-stars Heather Locklear is in deep--balls deep--with the Santa Barbara District Attorney. The forty-seven year old has been charged with driving under the influence of prescription drugs, an offense which is becoming increasingly more common in this fix-me-immediately culture we’re all existing amidst.

According to TMZ, the charges stem from a September twenty-seventh arrest. The actress was pulled over and later tested positive for several prescription medications on the do not drive list. I’m not sure if there’s really a thorough do not drive list, but if there is, you can bet Yusaf Islam aka Cat Stevens is on it. Also, cocaine.

Get your life together, Heather. And for the love of all things holy and decent in this world, stop losing husbands to white trash queen Denise Richards. That’s offensive on so many levels.