As if it wasn’t news enough this week that the I-pee-on-fourteen-year-olds- and-get-away-with-it- because-I’m-famous R. Kelly was acquitted on all counts of child pornography and statutory rape, another star has experienced some relief from the law- Britney Spears.

I picked up the June 23rd copy of Life & Style this evening (it’s a guilty pleasure of mine) and was not surprised that once again in the “Hot News” section it was a double-page spread of “Britney: Nine Car Mishaps in Four Years.” First of all, most of them were completely ridiculous- “Blew a tire!” “Blew a light!” “Hit a curb!” Get real. Has Hollywood really become this boring that we cannot even fill our celebrity gossip magazines with some real gossip? I could give a shit less if Britney “blew a tire” on June 30th in 2004. Stop beating this dead horse already. We beg you.

According to Reuters, the prosecution reported the photographer’s foot Spears allegedly “crushed” could only have been where it is shown in a video if he had placed it there himself. Personally, I’m on Team Britney here. I live in a college town, and I cannot even count how many times a day I want to run over the students; heads down, listening to their i-pods, with complete and total disregard for the car coming straight towards them. Cars are for the road. People are not. If you don’t want to get hit by a bi-polar, accident magnet named Britney Spears, then get the fuck out of the road.