Hollywood's biggest actors have decided they aren't making enough money, and so they've united to see what else they can squeeze out of you.

The Associated Press reports that actors Paul Newman, Christopher Plummer, and Charles Grodin (what is he doing hanging out with two class acts like Newman and Plummer??) are petitioning Connecticut lawmakers to help them protect their image. They say technology has made it too easy for their fans to access their movies, images, voices, and other material to produce things they know nothing about. In other words folks, they want to put a stop to desktop wallpapers, fan videos, and anything else their fans are doing to show off their support for them.

Great move Newman!

Chris Plummer sees it a different way. He sees it as something akin to cloning. "We are suddenly cloned into something we're not," he complains. "We are robbed of our individuality and our life's work is tarnished." Mr. Plummer it seems, doesn't have a very good grasp on how modern technology actually works. Nobody's cranking out their own home use versions of Chris Plummer. It sounds like he's afraid that somewhere, there's an exact copy of him chained to a chair scrubbing floors.

The bill they're pushing would prohibit people from using what they call a person's "right of publicity". That includes things like their name, voice, signature, likeness, distinctive appearance. None of that would be able to be used for any commercial purpose. Parody video freaks and caricature artists all over Connecticut are about to be run right out of business. That law would extend even past the person's death, 70 years after their death to be specific.

The MPAA, in a rare bout of common sense, opposes the Newman/Plumber/Grodin backed bill. They think it could infringe on the rights of filmmakers to express themselves. Quentin Tarantino would have to leave references to other artists and actors out of his movies for instance. That'll leave him with about ten minutes of dialogue and ninety minute of Kung Fu.

But Paul Newman thinks anyone who'd be interested in using his name or image must be a cultist. "There's a kind of cult of piracy that seems to be prevalent," he says, again confirming his complete lack of technological savvy. "This cult of piracy has a new gorilla in the room, which is technology."

The really puzzling thing in all of this is what Charles Grodin is doing involved. Come on Charles, you're not fooling anyone. Nobody is using your image for anything. You stopped being famous some time back in 1992. Charles who? Oh yeah, that guy from Beethoven.