Public displays of affection are gross. Just thinking about two slovenly oafs bumping their ugly faces against each other is enough to turn me into Linda Blair. But really really hot people? Well, that’s just cheap pornography.

According to Gossip Gangster Perez Hilton, one-balled bicycle He-Man Lance Armstrong was spotted swapping spit with Miss Penny Lane herself, Kate Hudson, at the D&G party in Cannes last night. For the sake of humanity, they need to mate immediately to produce some of the hottest children ever conceived this side of Sirenum scopuli. Hey-0! I love Greek mythology jokes.

Because it’s Saturday and a recent study of Cinema Blend readers showed that eighty-seven percent of you assholes are obsessed with the Tour de France, I went ahead and found an awesome clip of Lance Armstrong taking the ballsiest shortcut of all time...